This is my go-to #breakfast most mornings... 2 eggs Diced onion (usually red) Spinach 4 diced kalamata olives 3 slices of Roma tomato diced Sometimes I add a smidgen of cheese with it, too. Today wasn’t one of those days, though. 😜 This dish is so low-carb I don’t even bother to count the #carbs anymore. It’s literally probably three carbs, maybe? It definitely comes in way below my targeted 🎯 range. #gestationaldiabetes #manageyourglucose #pregnant #pregnancy #chronicandpregnant #fibroandpregnancy #advancedmaternalage #chronicillness #liveneggsup #newlifestyle #eatinghealthy #spoonie #mealplanning #lowcarblifestyle #lowcarb #eatyourveggies #eatyourgreens #yummmm #blogpost

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This is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!

Halloween has been my favorite holiday since 1976. The day I was born. OK, maybe not that long...since I wasn't aware of anything for a few years yet. Still, I have always loved Halloween. I was the girl who continued to trick-or-treat all through high school. And into college, I still wore costumes. Then it was time to start having Halloween parties while I was in grad school and that continued through until I had the twins. I have always decorated to the nines for my favorite holiday. I have more decorations for Halloween than for Christmas...and we're talking like six or seven giant bins! The fun and excitement of Halloween has always captured my heart, and the child in me never gave it up.

This year, was a little different, though. I was feeling overwhelmed, my body has been in pain, and I was feeling depressed. Although I felt guilty about it, I didn't decorate or do any of my usual fall or Halloween activities with my children. Last weekend, we did finally go buy our pumpkins. But I didn't have the energy or desire to carve them. I had purchased the boys costumes ahead of time, but not Little Miss's. That ended up being fine, because she decided she wanted to be a rockstar, anyway. And we already had things around the house that we could use to pull together a costume for her. So that worked out fine.

As Halloween was nearing this week, and Little Miss kept asking to carve her pumpkin, I finally relented and spent Thursday evening doing that with the children. Well, sort of. Little Miss carved her own and she did a great job! 

The boys well, they didn't really want to have much to do with it. Chub-Chub did try to carve a little and scoop out some of the pulp and seeds. 

But Miracle Man didn't want to even touch the pumpkin guts! It totally freaked him out! He did, however, take the stem off!

So basically, I carved three pumpkins-mine and the boys's!! Here they all are:

Little Miss's is the bottom left pumpkin.

So, there. We carved the pumpkins. But we still didn't have any decorations up. The kids kept asking if we could go ahead and put them up, and so I figured that we would do that on Friday. Sure, there would be only one day left before Halloween, but at least it was a day before and not the day after! Besides, I decided I would only pull out a few things so that it wouldn't be as exhausting and as much work for me.

Friday night came (all too quickly)! And there we were, pulling out the Halloween decorations. All of a sudden, MiracleMan  started running around the house shrieking, "Aahhhh! It's a spider! Aahhhh!!" He had pulled out one of my furry spiders and was so thrilled with the thing that he was making a huge deal out of it!

And it was at that moment that I realized that I had to do this for my children. No matter how terrible I felt. It was important to them. And they loved it!

The more they all screamed and shreiked and got excited, the more I kept pulling out and hanging up. Miracle Man's excitement especially continued to escalate! He grabbed my phone and started snapping pictures. He's a budding photographer (wink, wink). Here's a sample of his work:

They almost look like pics from a horror movie, don't they!?

Chub-chub was fun, too. His excitement for the night was setting up my giant skeleton that stands over 6 feet tall and says things when you walk past him. I set him up inside the house on Friday, but on Saturday I put him outside the house where the trick-or-treaters would be walking past. Mwahahahaha!!!!

Chub-chub couldn't wait to open the box and put him together, but once he heard the skeleton speaking, he wanted me to put him back in the box! Immediately!! Which I did NOT do! Of course, that doesn't quite compare to our dog, Kallie's, reaction. She was quite unnerved by this giant skeleton man! She wouldn't stop barking at him!! I had to turn him off and "introduce" him to her. She did eventually get used to him last night and all was well.

So, in the end, we had a great time, even if I got to the point where I was flat-out exhausted! The kids were thrilled to have decorations up for Halloween! And I was grateful to them for bringing me back some of my Halloween joy. 

When Saturday finally dawned, I couldn't wait to take them trick-or-treating! We cleaned a little bit and prepared some food, as we also got ready for trick-or-treaters. The boys took their afternoon nap, and once they woke up, it was time for costumes! :-) The boys were firemen, and Little Miss was her rockstar costume. She was too cold in it, though, so she covered up with her jacket. Kallie was a bumble bee, and I was a "good" witch (though some might argue that point). Prince Charming pulled out his cow costume that we got for him many years ago. Our whole family was ready to go!

We had a nice evening, walking, chatting with neighbors...and the kids brought home a ton of candy for us! Oops! I mean for themselves....yeah, themselves!

Today, I'm a train wreck. Every single part of my body hurts. And I am feeling incredibly fatigued. I didn't really move around the house much today at all. But, I am thrilled that I had enough energy yesterday so that I could enjoy trick-or-treating with my children! 

And in the end, I'm grateful to my children for reminding me, once again, that this is all about them. And I have to push through my pain, exhaustion, and depression, for them! They need me. They need me to show them how to have fun and how to celebrate holidays. They need me to teach them that it's OK to still be young and not have to shoulder any adult burdens. They need their momma to be who she used to be...even if only for a day!! I'm thankful for my kiddles...in some new ways, even.

Feeling blessed,

Marathon Momma 

The Bus Stops Here

I was driving by a bus stop today and started thinking to myself...I could park my car in the parking lot........get on the bus........and go somewhere....Forever. I could leave behind this life that, at the moment (a very long moment), I feel like I merely........exist.........in.

I actually started plotting out my escape as I was driving further down the road. I could get on one bus, take it somewhere, anywhere. Then, transfer to another one, and make my way down to Tennessee to visit my brother, whom I have not seen in 3 years. From there, I would go down even further south, like Florida, perhaps...where it's warmer and the cold and damp wouldn't hurt my body so much. Of course, it is damp there, though. Or maybe I could head over to California. I would love to go back to San Diego sometime! I could travel. Alone. Without anybody. I've done it before. I could do it again. I don't need anything.  There are soooooo many places I could go! And there would be so much freedom! And...quiet. Ahhh, yes! Quiet.

But I've never been a quitter. One of my favorite songs has always been Simon and Garfunkel's, "The Boxer." There's a line in it that says, "In the clearing stands a boxer, and a fighter by his trade. And he carries a reminder of every club that laid him down or cut him till he cried out, in his anger and his shame, 'I am leaving, I am leaving,' but the fighter still remains." I had wanted that to be my yearbook quote when I was a senior in high school, because that was, and is me. Even despite it all, and despite any complaining, I always stick it out, push through it, and fight for what I believe is right. Unfortunately, that quote that was so near and dear to me was too long to fit in the eensy weensy space below my photograph in the yearbook, so I couldn't use it.  I ended up choosing another line from a different song, by the way...this time by the Beatles. "Here comes the sun."

Life has never been easy for me. I grew up in a broken home, emotionally abused, physically abused, neglected. I overcame obstacles that were insurmountable. I went to college, graduated with honors; then went on to graduate school and got my Masters...with a 3.9 GPA. I made something of myself. I followed all the rules. I did everything I was supposed to. And I never, ever quit. I always took a difficult situation as a challenge...and overcame it. But I never, no never quit. So I will not quit now. But damn, it sure sounds easier!  And where did all this goody-two-shoeing get me in the end? I've got this horrible illness that nobody understands, some people don't believe, and it is debilitating. I can't work. I can't use my degree that I worked so hard for (and am still paying on). I don't get to enjoy the career I longed for and loved. I don't get to really and truly live life and enjoy it. I feel like I've been robbed of the life and future I worked so hard to earn. And I feel like my children are being robbed of the mother they deserve.

Maybe instead of being a rule-follower, from now on I should be a rule-breaker? Hmmm....thinking...thinking...

Wondering if I really could rebel,
Marathon Momma

P.S. Just in case I do end up a "missing person," please don't tell 'em where I am! ;)
P.P.S. It is also true that I wouldn't make it very far in my travels with this crappy body that I have now.

Straight on 'til Morning

I went to my daughter's play last night. It was adorable! She is in Peter Pan. The set, the costumes, the props, and the actors are all amazing! What a treat to see my daughter smiling so much! She did a super job in her role as a fairy. So cute!

My stupid fibromyalgia, however, really flared up during the performance. I had pain in my back, my tailbone, my legs, and my hips. I got very stiff and achy sitting there. But the worst part was in my upper body. My right shoulder and neck had stabbing pain that radiated all the way down through my arm into my wrist. It hurt so badly I just wanted to cry. I had Prince Charming massage my arm a little bit while I was sitting there, but it didn't really relieve the pain. What I really needed was some meds, but I didn't have any on me. I am going to have to remember to carry some in my purse at all times. 

As much as I enjoyed the play, I was grateful when it was over so that I could go home. It was difficult to get to sleep last night with the pain. But eventually I did, and I slept like a rock. These outings really take all of my energy. It's 10 AM and I still haven't moved to get out of bed. The fatigue of Fibro really sucks. 

Hoping for a pain-free day (despite the fatigue),

Marathon Momma