Hidden Secrets: Surviving a Dysfunctional Childhood: The Middle Years Part 1

It's been a few weeks since my last post and I would like to apologize for leaving you, my loyal readers, hanging.  My fibromyalgia has been kicking my butt!  Between the fibro and the end of the year activities with my kiddles, I just haven't been able to write. 

In my last post in this series, I explained that at the end of my 4th grade school year, my family and I moved away from the town I had spent five years in.  My mother had just finished getting her college degree and had decided to pursue her Master's Degree at an esteemed college in another county.  She had also secured a job working for a man we will call Dave. 

So we packed up our belongings, cleared out the double-wide trailer we had been living in, and we moved into a big old farmhouse in the middle of the country a little more than an hour away from my grandparents.  It was about a 30 minute drive to her school from this house, and about a 5 minute drive to her job. 

We had moved in the summer, so my brother, sister, and I enjoyed countless days of roaming the property the farmhouse was on.  There was a big old bar, a pond where blue herons would bathe, creepy, old chicken coops to explore, and plenty of old scraps of junk that had been carelessly tossed into the woods many, many years before.  There was even a row of old, rusted out cars lined up just behind the wood line...Volkswagens, I believe, though my memory is sketchy on this point. 

The house was down an old dirt road and I can only remember one neighbor nearby.  At night, there wasn't any light pollution, so the skies were pitch black, but for the stars.  Bats, swooping down from above us to engorge on mosquitoes would occasionally frighten me as they rustled my hair with the breeze they'd create.

We lived in this child's paradise for just around a year, and in that time, I can recall a few things about my family life, but much more about being a student in the local elementary school.  This would be the first time I would have to start over as a new student, but it wouldn't be my last. 

As a child, I think the most challenging part of beginning the new school year in a new town and school was when we had to keep secrets about who we were and where we came from (just in case my biological father tracked us down and came looking for us).  Other secrets began to pop up, too, that at the time as a 10/11 year old didn't seem strange to me...because it was just more of the same.  The same strange life I had been living so far that somehow seemed normal.

Shortly after we moved here and my mother began working for Dave, she would need to go to his home (where his office was) to do work.  The three of us kids would tag along, and would even play with his own children at times (he had 5 of them).  They had a lot of property, too, which we would roam around on, playing with their pets, and climbing in and out of their parked camper.  I quickly became friends with Dave's daughter who was around my age (but possibly a year older because she wasn't in my elementary school). 

And then, more secrets evolved.  Dave would sometimes come over to our home to visit (or work or whatever) and before we knew it, he was destined to be our "new daddy".  I can recall many conversations around this...Dave and mom would marry, he'd take care of us, we would move into his giant home (though, who knows what would happen with his family?!) 

But!  We just needed to keep it a secret from his children and his wife...whom we spent time with!!!  I remember being in their home and thinking about how it would become ours.  I remember looking into the bedrooms as we played with his kids, making a mental note of which room would be mine!  And I remember negative comments about his wife (that didn't make sense to me, as I had experienced her as kind).  It was very stressful to me to be around these kids (even staying overnight once!) and thinking all of these things about stealing their daddy and home...and keeping these BIG SECRETS! 

As the year went on, there were many incidents that continued to add stress to our family, and me.  I recall a tiff between my mother and our one neighbor...and then we weren't allowed to speak to them again.  They had had a young daughter around my sister's age, but we were no longer allowed to play with her.  I am not sure what had occurred between our two families, but it must've been pretty bad if we could no longer play with their daughter, right?

Many of the details of this year, are of course long-forgotten.  But a few other tidbits do come to mind.  As children of a single-mother who is getting her master's degree and trying to support a family of 3 kids and a dog, responsibilities for the children become essential to survival as a family.  Often, we were responsible for packing our own lunches, helping with housework, doing laundry, stacking wood for the woodstove, etc. 

Those are all typical chores that any family would expect children to contribute to the family by doing.  And when you're in a single-parent family, not only is each child expected to pull more weight, but sometimes there are responsibilities that fall on the kids that are not within the typical purview. 

For example, I became much more responsible for my little sister.  I was like a second mother to her.  I helped her with her room, packed her lunches, and even helped her with homework.  I will never forget the one time when she was having a really difficult time with her homework and we had to keep erasing it.  We erased it so much that we accidentally tore a hole in the paper.  I felt so badly about that that I wrote the teacher a note on her homework to express my apologies...but I couldn't remember how to spell "erase" at the time.  I was a great speller...even made it to the district spelling bee that year...so this little mistake in spelling was embarrassing to me...and has always stuck with me.  In hindsight, it's kinda funny and cute.  As an adult now, I feel the enormity of what I had been tasked with...basically helping to raise my little sister.

There was always stress, frustration, and anger in our home.  But this year marked my first year of really feeling it to the point where I felt like I was "different" than other kids, and I really started noticing that I felt unloved.  I also had a harder time controlling my own feelings.  One day, I got angry with my sister and tried to hurt her. I pushed her...not paying attention to my surroundings...but we were at the stop of the stairs.  Luckily, she didn't fall down the stairs, but obviously she very well could have.  And she could have been seriously hurt.  The guilt doesn't ever go away.  Neither do the memories of the first time your own mother calls you a bitch.

I do not excuse my behavior in any way.  I'm incredibly grateful that nothing bad happened to my sister.  And as an adult I can completely understand that we were a family under duress, and that shit happens.  Your kid does something stupid and dangerous and you blurt out words you wish you could take back.  Knowledge and understanding never take away the sting of such hurtful words, though.  I hope with every passing day, that I do not hurt my daughter like that.  Oh gosh, believe me there are times when I am thinking it!  How could you not with a sassy tween?! But, I have yet to say it out loud, and I pray that I never will.  One can only imagine the hurts I've already caused her that she will one day blog about!!!

As our year in the farmhouse continued, at some point, we had to start going to my friend's house after school on the bus so that we wouldn't be home alone...for fear, once again, that our father would come kidnap us.  It didn't start out that way, but something must've happened to reignite the fear, because we were no longer latch-key kids.  I did like going to her house, though.  It was nice to have a friend to spend time with and she was one of 5 children, so there were a lot of kids around us.  They had a piano that I would sit at and pretend to play, and they ordered from the Schwann Man!  I loved being there when their frozen packages would arrive, especially considering that we were always treated to one of the ice creams they had ordered!

I don't recall when exactly, but somewhere in this year, we began doing drive-bys of Dave's home, and the other house he owned in town.  We even went into this second home using a key and checked it out.  I think this was going to be a new temporary home we were going to move to?  But I do remember for sure being told that Dave had brought my mother here on several occasions (hmmmmm....???). I know that I felt guilty for being inside this house...we weren't supposed to be there.  And it was another BIG SECRET we had to keep. 

I think that what had happened was that the relationship had soured and she may have been grasping at straws at this point, and probably also trying to deal with the rejection and broken promises of a man who, in the end, refused to leave his family, thereby also refusing to be our savior, her shining knight.  No white horse this time. 

Our landlord lived far away, but had a camp somewhere nearby. He would come up on the weekends (or something like that).  We would occasionally spend some time with him...going to his camp, riding his dune buggy, or going up to this other home (he may have owned??) where there was a pond with a dock.  I remember swimming there, in particular, because this was the pond where I almost drowned as a kid.  I had been swimming around but I wasn't a very strong swimmer at the time.  I was a bit tired, so I put my feet down to stand and take a break, but there wasn't any ground below me!  It was deeper than I had thought in that spot.  And that's when I panicked and started bobbing up and down in the water, gasping for air.  My mother had to jump in and come save me.  It was such a frightening experience that it definitely still colors my world. I am absolutely paranoid about my own kids being in water. 

Later on, there was apparently some kind of argument/disagreement/lack of payment or something like that with the landlord and he was deemed a jerk.  So, the summer after fifth grade, we packed up and moved from this home into another house closer to the city where my mother's school was.

It had been an eventful year in my childhood, to say the least.  In my next post (hopefully it will be much sooner!), I will continue on with my middle years...there's really so much more to come! 

Resiliently yours,
Marathon Momma

Are you a Marathon Momma?  Do you run marathons in between raising your little people to be decent humans? Or maybe you aren't a traditional runner, but a runner-after-kidser? Do you feel like every day is a marathon?  Yeah, me too!  Come join our community! Sign-up for our Email List!

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Hidden Secrets: Surviving a Dysfunctional Childhood The Early YearsPart 1

Life is Not Perfect
Life doesn't always wrap up in one neat little package.  We all know this.  Yet we strive for the perfect experience.  We want our marriages and friendships to be full of love, compassion, honesty...and fun.  We want our children to be wonderful little angels with a desire to please everyone (well, at least their parents, anyway), and a willingness to engage with and explore the world around them. We want our homes to be clean and neat, nothing out of order.  We want our cars shiny and new, running consistently and efficiently.  Heck!  We even want our dogs to play fetch or lay around and snuggle with us on our own time frame, no barking included.

But all of this perfection is not possible.  And if it were, our world would actually be quite boring.  Life is all about struggles that help make us stronger; challenges that teach us new things. 

As a young girl and eventually young lady, I had fully believed that when I became an adult, I could MAKE my life perfect like this.  Of course, having experienced many events in my adult life that I did not have control over, either, I have realized that this is an illusion; being able to MAKE life perfect. But it was an illusion I needed to believe in order to survive my childhood--a childhood marred with emotional and mental abuse, violence, fear, and uncertainty/insecurity.

I used to be embarrassed about my past.  I used to hide it from others because I was ashamed.  But I didn't have control over what happened when I was a child.  It was out of my hands. It was none of my doing.  I am a product of the choices other people made.  But I have always strongly believed that, no matter your early life circumstances, you have a choice in what you become.  You can choose to overcome your past.  Or you can choose to wallow in self-pity, head down a self-destructive path and do nothing with your life. It's up to you!

Over the next several posts, I will be sharing with you some of my imperfect past, with the hope that other people will learn that it's okay to talk about your childhood, regardless of how messed up or embarrassing it might seem.  You did not have control over how you were raised. And you are definitely not alone. There are so many other people that have lived experiences like yours, too.  And the power that comes from sharing those experiences is immense...Self-Empowerment Overload!  Without any further ado, here's what it was like to grow up...as me.

Violence in My Early Years
While I was growing up, my family faced challenges that most families never face.  Before I was five years old, I had already lived in several different homes and towns.  My biological father and my mother had separated and I clearly remember some scary moments from those early years. 

I can remember at one point, as a 3 or 4 year old, hearing my mother shrieking while I was upstairs.  My brother and I had raced down the stairs, crept into the kitchen and saw my father looming over my mother with her arm behind her back.  It was violent.  And it was frightening.  My mother has claimed that my father had been trying to break her arm.  My brother seems to remember my mother had a knife and my father was trying to get it away from her.  To this day I still do not know or understand the truth behind that event, only that it haunts the darkest recesses of my memory. 

At one point, probably after or somewhere around that time, my parents split up and my father had visitation rights.  One of the times I was supposed to go with him, I can remember that I was crying and afraid.  I did not want to go.  I'm not sure what my reasoning was at the time, but I did NOT want to go with him.  Was I scared of him?  Did I just want to stay home with my mother?  I don't remember what actually ended up happening that particular day...if I went or not.  But I do remember going on one visitation to his apartment.  I even remember the TV being on, and at one point, listening to Rick Springfield's "Jesse's Girl" on the radio.  It's funny because with what had transpired next, you might think that I would associate that song with negative emotions, but I still freaking LOVE that song!  I mean, who doesn't?!

Anyway, an adult's memory of an event that occurred under the age of 5 can be blurry.  But I will tell you, I clearly remember that we were supposed to go home.  He was supposed to take us.  But he didn't.  He told us that if my mother really wanted us back, she could come get us herself.  Well, she did just that. But she had to call upon the police to make sure she could get us back.  When they came to the apartment to get us out, it was terrifying.  My brother, sister, and I were ducking down, hiding behind the one side of the bed and I remember being afraid of getting shot by the police (I must've been some kind of big, bad criminal in those days of barely being able to reach the counter!). Of course, nothing like that happened.  But it DOES happen to other children in other families. Luckily, just not to mine. 

Moving to a New Town
We moved across the state and into my grandparents' vacation home after that.  This town is where we spent the next 5 or so years...one of the longest stretches we ever lived in one town.  So, this would also be where I began my illustrious education at the local elementary school, as a timid kindergartener afraid of the BIG, Scary World. 

On my first day of kindergarten, I climbed up the big yellow bus that would empty out into this new, ominous building with complete strangers.  When I walked through the doors and didn't know where to go, I stood in the hallway and began to cry.  My teacher, Mrs. Schuler, found me and put a loving arm around my trembling shoulders, guiding me into her classroom.  I loved her.  She was warm, welcoming, and always sang songs with us.  She had a piano in the classroom that she played "Suzie Snowflake" on, and she was simply glorious!

During that first year, I met many new friends...and even had a boyfriend!  Yup, that was me...the five-year-old floozy! 😆  His name was Jason.  And we played together on the playground a lot.  During nap time, we sometimes had our carpets (remember those?!) next to each other, too. 

This first year in my new town (my grandparents' weekend and summer town), we were always looking over our shoulders.  We were afraid of my biological father coming to kidnap us.  My brother, sister, and I overheard adult conversations, and were also taught all of the safety rules...don't go outside alone, don't tell anyone anything personal, and do NOT go with your father if he shows up to take you.  Also...he could try to take you at school, so the school knows that you are not to leave with him. But always be on the lookout for your crazy-ass father.

For the longest time, I never understood why my sister had a kindergarten graduation when she was finally in school, yet I hadn't had one.  And we had had the same teacher!  How unfair!  Yeah, well a few years back it finally, FINALLY dawned on me.  The reason why I hadn't had a kindergarten graduation was not because there wasn't one...it was because we were pulled out of school early that year to basically go into hiding.  After being picked up from school that day, us kids had to hide on the floor of the backseat of our light blue station wagon while my mother ran errands so that my father wouldn't see us, kidnap us, or shoot us.  (He was a sharp-shooter, you know.)

We lived in a world of fear. Which is why, one afternoon during my kindergarten nap, when a tall, strange man entered our classroom, went into the cubbies to grab a few things, and proceeded to remove my boyfriend, Jason, from the room, I thought he was coming for me.  It turns out that he was Jason's father, and yes, as the non-custodial parent, he actually did kidnap my friend.  He picked Jason up off of his napping carpet and carried him right out the door of the classroom, bookbag, coat, and shoes in hand. 

My teacher was clearly upset and worried, running out to the principal's office.  We didn't see Jason again for a very long time.  The local newspaper had run at least one story (that I remember) on Jason's disappearance.  Eventually, he was found and he returned to school.  But it was weeks or months later.  I cannot even imagine what his mother must've went through during this time.  To this day, I still think about how strange and coincidental it was that something like that happened to another child in my world, especially considering that it was a fear I lived every day.

In a nutshell, that's how my year of kindergarten shaped-up...fear of kidnapping, witnessing a kidnapping, missing out on my kindergarten graduation.  Were there good times/happy times?  Yes, of course there were!  Not having unlimited time to explore every single aspect of my childhood, though, I am focusing on the point of this series of posts.  Which, again, is to help other people realize that 1) childhood is a crap shoot...and you have absolutely NO say in how it turns out; 2) you have a choice in what happens AFTER childhood...what you become is all up to YOU; and 3) you are NOT alone...other people have grown up in messed-up families and have survived or THRIVED, so you can, too!  I am a prime example of that!

In my next post, I will continue sharing my early years with you.  I know that not everyone has experienced this type of childhood, but I hope some of you have connected with this post in some way.  Want to add to this conversation?  Feel free to write in the comments below!

No longer embarrassed,
Marathon Momma

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Your Family Should Be Seasonal Campers!

Have you heard of seasonal camping?  Have you ever wondered if seasonal camping is right for you and your family?  It is a wonderful experience for my family and me! Here's why I believe you should give it a try:

The Cost Value of Seasonal Camping With a Family
Because, let's face it.  That is one of the most important factors in family vacation decision-making.  So, let's talk about the costs of seasonal camping.  Seasonal camping can run you anywhere from about $1500-$5000 for a seasonal site, including additional costs of electricity, cable, Wi-Fi, and activities.  Naturally, the cost depends on what type of camping you wish to do, which campground you choose, the amenities that are available at the campground, and of course, if there are any available sites in the campground you wish to stay. 

At the outset, that's a lot of money to fork over all at once for a vacation.  And of course, you have to already own a camper in order to be seasonal.  I am not aware of any campgrounds that allow you to be seasonal in a tent...nor do I think most people would wish to be.  After all, we are an industrialized nation of people--used to our creature-comforts.  Wilderness camping might be great for a weekend, maybe a week if you're so inclined, but for an entire season with kids in tow, I don't think so!  In any case, most seasonal campgrounds have specific rules about what they will allow as a seasonal camping trailer.  For example, you aren't usually allowed to be seasonal if you are camping in a pop-up trailer.  And some campgrounds will only allow you to be seasonal if your camper is no older than 10 years old.  But not all campgrounds are quite that strict.  You just have to inquire about their rules as you perform your search.  I will talk more about the campground rules below, though, because it is pretty important to pay attention to them!

So, getting back to the cost...the average yearly family vacation budget is typically between $2,000 and $4,000. Naturally, there are many factors associated with the costs of a family vacation.  And there are so many options for what type of vacation you will take.  But, just for argument's sake, let's take the average and say that your family's vacation budget is $3,000.  What do you usually get for that $3,000?  You get your transportation, hotel or other type of accommodation, a few activities, and your food...for one week.  If you're super thrifty, you may be able to do it for a little less or stay for a few more days.  But ultimately, you have about a week-long respite from the daily grind for your $3,000.

When you are a seasonal camper, though, (at least in my experience in the Northeast) you can have a semi-permanent vacation home from somewhere in the middle of the spring, all the way through the fall.  Some campgrounds are open to seasonal campers from mid-April to mid-October.  Our campground opens up at the beginning of May, but it runs through the middle of October. So as long as you choose a campground close enough to your home, you could conceivably camp every single weekend, all of the major spring and summer holidays, AND your one week vacation for about the same cost as a typical week-long vacay!  And that even includes the activities! Plus...and this is a big one...it's all family-friendly! No worries that you've chosen the wrong destination to bring your children to.  Sure, there may be some partiers at a campsite near you every now and then, but from my experience, most seasonal campgrounds bill themselves as family-friendly and work hard to keep it that way!

Activities for Children
Most campgrounds and RV parks that offer seasonal campgrounds have ongoing daily and weekly activities for children.  Many campgrounds also offer theme weekends, which is super fun for the kiddles!  One of the campgrounds we used to go to frequently, for example, had a western theme on one of the weekends we were there.  During that weekend, they hired a company to bring in ponies for the kids to ride (which was included in the price of camping).  They also had a family dance with a dj and country line dancing lessons.  All of the other activities planned for the weekend were family-friendly games that revolved around the western theme, too.  It was really fun!

Some of the other typical themes you may find at a campground are Halloween, Christmas, and Super Soaker weekends.  During the Halloween weekends, you will typically see campsites decorated, there's usually trick-or-treating from site-to-site, possibly a costume contest, and maybe even a haunted house...all in the middle of the summer!  The kids have a blast!  This theme and some of the other themes are very popular with families, and as such, book up early!  But when you are a seasonal camper, you are already set for each of those favorite weekends.  So you already know you will get to be there with your children!

Now, not all campgrounds that offer seasonal sites have weekly themes or activities.  Smaller campgrounds may offer activities and themes a few special weekends throughout the season.  The campground we are seasonal at fits more into this category.  There are occasional family dances with a dj, and they do have Halloween and Christmas weekends. There's usually at least a few activities like arts and crafts scheduled each weekend.  But there isn't a non-stop schedule of things for the kids to do...and I, for one, LIKE that! 

Our Campground
We have done all sorts of camping with the kids over the years (except wilderness).  We've gone to the fancy RV Parks with loads of activities, and we've camped at a state campground where the only scheduled activities were the ones you planned yourself.  For me, I prefer to have a mix of both scenarios as a seasonal camper.  I like having the activities for the kids as options to keep them entertained.  I like the community feeling of participating in the activities with the other campers, the kids making friends, and us adults meeting new people.  I like to have a variety of things to do with the children...especially when camping all season, because it can break up the monotony. 

But I also like spending quality time with my family where it's just us.  Hanging out at the campsite, going swimming, hiking, boating, fishing, or whatever strikes our fancy for that day.  Having a whole schedule of activities can be great, but there were times in the past where we went camping at one of the RV resorts and I felt rushed, too scheduled, and then ultimately frustrated because I wanted my kids to be able to participate in all of those fun activities.  I didn't want them to miss out.  But we couldn't always make it to the things we wanted to, for one reason or another. Too, if I was at the campground alone with the kids and my boys were napping as infants/toddlers, it made it challenging for Little Miss.  She wanted to participate in the activities for her age group, but wasn't quite old enough to go off on her own to be able to join in.

Too, I find that kids these days are so over-scheduled, and also so used to getting so much.  They get treats and enjoy special activities on a regular basis.  I think it makes it harder for them to appreciate those special moments that we create for them (like a family vacation) because they have come to expect all of these activities and treats we give them so often.  Sometimes you just need to take a step back and say enough is enough. So I LIKE that our seasonal campground doesn't have a bazillion way-over-the-top things to do...like blown-up waterslides, for instance.  Our campground has a lake with a beach, a couple of playgrounds, tons of hiking trails, a stream, a camp store, a pavilion, some theme weekends and activities, and the great outdoors.  It's perfect for getting the kids to play outside ALL day, make new friends, explore nature, and experience a childhood unplugged (at least when it's not raining, that is!).  And, yes, our campground does have electricity, running water, and WIFI!

Just as a side note to give you some perspective, our campground is on the lower end for seasonal fees.  We are actually less than $2,000 per season and that includes the electricity and WIFI.  So it really is a great value for the money.  Plus, you don't have to pay it all up front.  Usually you place a deposit down in the fall for your next year's seasonal site.  Then later in the winter or early spring, you have to pay the rest of your fee before the season actually begins. So that spreads out the total cost and it gives you some time to save up for the rest!

Bring Your Dog Camping

Another great thing about seasonal camping is that it is dog-friendly!  This is especially important since you will be away from home much more frequently.  It's one thing to hire a dog-watcher or kennel your furry friend(s) for a weekend or a week, but every weekend and many other days added in there could be hard on your pet...and EXPENSIVE!  But at a seasonal campground, Rover is welcome to join you!  We bring Kallie with us and she LOVES it!  She gets so much exercise and attention, how could she not?!  She gets to go on hikes, go swimming, be outside, and be with her family!  She's a happy little camper!

New Friends at Camp
One of the best parts of being a seasonal camper is that you get to know other people at your campground.  You see the same people at the beach or pool, at the rec hall/pavilion, during the scheduled activities, and at pot-luck suppers.  You meet your neighbors near you (especially when your kids run over to pet their adorable dogs all day long), and you begin to develop that sense of community.  These people become your weekend family.  And you can be as involved with other seasonal campers as you'd like (or just be a recluse sitting by your campfire...alone...every night if you wish).  It's totally up to you!  But most campers are a friendly sort of bunch and are also there for the social aspect of it.  They enjoy meeting other people, too!  Otherwise they probably wouldn't be there! 

As a mom of three little ones, I have always appreciated this aspect of seasonal camping, too.  Because as you frequent a campground or become seasonal and get to know some of the other families, you don't feel quite so alone.  Whenever we have camped in a long-term type of situation, it is usually within an hour's drive of Prince Charming's work.  Typically that means that I am at the campground all day or for several days as a solo parent with the three kids while he is at work and then he joins me when he can.  Believe me, this is not an easy feat!  And throw in a dog or two--it can become overwhelming!  Yet, wherever we have been at a camp in this situation, people have been friendly and helpful.  And that makes it much better for me. Even if it just means I have another adult to chat with for a few minutes, those few minutes of kindness provide me with the energy I need to keep going until it's bedtime! 

Seasonal Camping Rules

Each campground has a separate set of rules for their seasonal campers.  Usually you receive a handout of all of the rules when you sign the contract for your site or at the beginning of the season.  The rules at each campground can be very different, so be sure to ask about them in advance.  You definitely want to know what you can and cannot do on your site before you jump in with both feet!  Some campgrounds, for instance, allow you to build permanent decks and other structures for your site, while some only allow for temporary structures.  Additionally, some seasonal campgrounds allow you to store your camper on your site all year long, while some (like ours) require you to remove your camper at the end of the season.  Some campgrounds also allow or limit the number of "buildings" or similar structures (think: gazebos, sheds, etc. here) you may have on your site.  There are all sorts of rules you will need to know about your seasonal site at your campground...so make sure you read through them thoroughly.  Any violations of the rules can get you kicked out of the campground (or not allowed to return the following year).

But do you know what's cool?  Most campgrounds do allow you to decorate your seasonal site.  Many will let you do some landscaping, and improve your site the way you see fit (as long as it doesn't break the rules or impinge on any other camper's experience there).  The kids and I always enjoy checking out other people's camp set-ups and decorations.  We love to see the cute garden gnomes and flamingos during the daylight and the lighted palm trees in the night.  We are actually going with a theme for our camp decorations this year...tropical!  Flamingos, palm trees, flip-flops, grass skirting on the tables, flamingo lights, and hibiscus and tiki decorations...super fun!  I can't wait until it is all set up!  I will post a YouTube video of a tour of our campsite when it's done! 

So that's a quick breakdown of why I believe seasonal camping is an awesome experience and an incredible value for your vacation dollars!  Feel free to ask me any questions you may have about seasonal camping in the comments below!

Yours in camping,
Marathon Momma

Are you a Marathon Momma?  Do you run marathons in between raising your little people to be decent humans? Or maybe you aren't a traditional runner, but a runner-after-kidser? Do you feel like every day is a marathon?  Yeah, me too!  Come join our community! Sign-up for our Email List!

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The Ultimate Guide to Family Travel as a Spoonie

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Coming fresh off our trip to Lake Placid, NY with the kids, I thought it might be helpful for other people struggling with chronic illness to hear how I manage to travel with kids, my dog, and my plethora of autoimmune and chronic illness issues. 

Here are my top 10 tips for family travel with fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses:

If you are driving to your destination, there are several tips I have for you.  I haven't flown anywhere since my illnesses emerge, so I can't speak to that just yet.  But some of my tips are definitely useful for any type of travel, since I am sharing with you many of my tips for your time at your vacation spot!

1.  Pack everything you will need for the trip AND the car the day before you travel.  It's too much on your body to do all of the packing and preparing for the trip...and then drive/ride in the car for several hours all on the same day. If you can adjust your schedule to do so, plan the whole day beforehand as your packing day so that you can pack a little, rest a little, pack a little, rest a little.


2.  Travel in the morning, if you are able to, so that you are only contending with your typical pain and fatigue, not your typical plus all-the-packing-getting-ready-managing-kids-pain-and-fatigue.  You will most likely still feel additional pain and fatigue from packing the day before, but you will be better off with having some sleep in between packing and traveling.

3.  Hopefully you will be traveling with another adult companion, be it your spouse/significant other, family member, or friend.  You need someone to go with you that will be able to do at least half, if not the bulk of the driving.  Traveling in the car tends to be uncomfortable for Spoonies, whether driving or resting in the passenger's seat.  But the additional mental and physical energy it requires to drive long distances can be even more fatiguing and you don't want to wear yourself out before you even arrive at your destination!

4. Try to make frequent rest stops to use the bathroom, grab a bite to eat, and stretch your body out.  But keep them as short as possible.  You need to have the break from sitting, but the longer it takes you to reach your destination, the more fatigued you will be.  Of course, with kids in tow, frequent stopping is completely typical anyway, so take advantage of the kids' needs to meet your own, as well.  If you're like me and have IBS, too, that can mean more frequent stops, as well.  It can also mean that you may run into a situation where you need a rest area immediately, but there isn't one in sight.  Many times in the past, we have scooted off the highway to the nearest gas station, store, or fast food joint.  Just like for the kids, make sure you always have a package of wipes, plastic bags, and an extra outfit packed in your car that is easily accessible...just in case.

5. Try to schedule your trip so that you are not in a rush to get to your destination.  Even though the goal is to arrive in as little time as possible (limiting your sitting time), if you add the pressure and stress of a scheduled arrival time, it will increase your fatigue and pain.  So if you can, just go with the flow and try to enjoy the downtime with the family! 

6.  But also make sure you have activities for the children to do!  That's typically a mom no-brainer.  But when you have a chronic illness, the noise from the children being in such close proximity to your ears could make you extremely irritable.  You MUST prepare for them to be occupied if this is a possible outcome for you on your trip.  The point of traveling with your family is to have fun together and spend quality time together, not for the kids to be driving you nuts so much that you end up on the brink of insanity, screaming at them to JUSTBEQUIET because it truly hurts your ears due to their highly sensitive nature.   Oh, and also--the Quiet Game almost always works!  Whenever I say those magical words, "One, two, three, four, Quiet Game!"  I am guaranteed at least a couple of minutes of no whining, complaining, shouting, squealing...you get it! So use it whenever you need to!



7. Once you arrive at your destination and settle into your room, take at least a 20-30 minute rest.  If there is still time left in the day to do any sight-seeing or fun activities, you will need to recuperate as much as you can from the drive.  Of course, since we are often fatigued no matter how much rest we do get, you will most likely still feel it when you are up and moving about again, but that little bit of a rest could mean the difference between enjoying your family and wanting to cringe every time they speak.  (It ain't easy being a spooned!)

8.  Throughout your trip, plan times that you will be back in the hotel for downtime if you can.  The kids need the rest as much as you do (even if they don't want to admit it!).  I can't always get a nap in when we travel, but I have to have rest time planned into each day.  Sometimes that might mean just sitting down on a bench at a park or attraction for 15-20 minutes several times throughout the day if it's not feasible to go back to our room.  But life has changed since being diagnosed with my illnesses, and in order for me to last throughout the day, our pace for sight-seeing is no longer break-neck.  It might mean that we cannot do everything we'd like to do at our destination, but that's okay.  The point is to enjoy your family, experience new things together, and see the world. That doesn't mean that you have to kill yourself doing it!  You will be of no use to your family when you return home if you completely overdo it while you're away.

9.  The kids are probably going to want to take in all of the sights and activities that are energy-consuming for you.  But that doesn't mean you cannot choose an activity or two that is less physically-exhausting.  I find that when I plan activities for the children that are lower-key, mixed in with the exciting, all-consuming, physically-draining ones, it makes it less exhausting for them, too.  And they appreciate those moments just as much, when we are sitting in a park watching the squirrels, or next to the ocean/a lake/a stream breathing in the smells and relaxing to the sounds of the water.  Just as kids need to learn how to be "unplugged" from electronics, they also need to learn to just "be"...in nature, in the moment, with us, in our world...without the "whatarewedoingnext" mentality we've come to know and expect in our culture today.

10.  If you are able to, I highly recommend scheduling at least one down day right after you return from your trip.  Don't make any major plans to do ANYTHING!  And if you can, try to enlist the support of family or friends to help with the kids that first day you return home.  You will most likely need to rest quite a bit and the vacation laundry may have to wait a day or two, but it will all get done eventually.

If I think of more tips, I will come back to this post and edit it to include them, but for now, that's all, folks!  Do any of you have tips you could add to the list?  Please share them in the comments below!

Exhaustedly yours,
Marathon Momma

Are you a Marathon Momma?  Do you run marathons in between raising your little people to be decent humans? Or maybe you aren't a traditional runner, but a runner-after-kidser? Do you feel like every day is a marathon?  Yeah, me too!  Come join our community! Sign-up for our Email List!

Bullet Journaling

Bullet journals and planners are all the rage these days.  Just walk into any office supply, big box, or craft store and you are sure to find a journal or planner display somewhere. Of course, most people already know what a planner is, but I wanted to introduce those of you who aren't "in the know" to the bullet journal.  I recently found out about them while searching Pinterest for creative lettering ideas and the more I found out about them, the more excited I became (as you can tell from my Pinterest Board here).

One of my favorite things in the world is organizing things.  Ever since I can remember, I have had a fascination with Rubbermaid.  If I had been smart when I was 20, I would've bought stock in the company!  And planners are my fav, too!  I am a visual person, so I need things laid out for me in black and white.  I am also intensly passionate about stationery and school supplies...(it might have been one of the reasons why I went into teaching LOL).  The creative side of me is exploding lately, too. So the totally awesome thing about bullet journaling is that it combines ALL of these passions at once and soothes my inner Type A personality.

We live in an age where technology dominates our lives.  We have our iphones, tablets, fitbits, laptops, HDTV, smart homes, apps here, remotes there.  We are completely inundated with beeps and dings all around us.  Our lives are fast-paced and to some extent (especially when compared to generations before us), chaotic. With every day that passes, though, we learn about new features and apps on our smartphones to help us stay organized.  And they're great!  I use many of my apps to organize my life.  For instance, I couldn't live without my calendar and my notepad, or my many programmed alarms to give me reminders about places I need to be (don't forget to be home in time to get the kids off the bus), things I need to do (paperwork, paperwork, paperwork), and people I need to call (8 bazillion appointments to schedule this week).

At some point, though, remembering to look at my apps (and/or not just absent-mindedly clicking off the reminders) becomes challenging in the day-to-day hustle and bustle. It's kind of ridiculous, actually, that I have all of these strategies in place to help me remember something, but then I don't even pay attention to the reminder so that I can remember! And don't even get me started on the challenges of scheduling appointments on the phone while my calendar is...on the phone!  It can be tricky and awkward at times to have the doctor's office hold while I pull the phone away from my ear to check my calendar...and god forbid the appointment doesn't work and I have to check again! Aaargh!

So if you're like me and like to be organized, have a visual display of your life, and JUST NEED EVERYTHING IN ONE PLACE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, then a bullet journal may appeal to you, too!

Essentially what it is, in it's most basic form, is a blank journal, where you can record your life using bulleted lists, an index, a key, and calendars.  Hence the name, bullet journal.  Beyond that, the sky's the limit! It is all up to you how much time and effort you wish to put into it.  You can make it creative and beautiful, or plain and simple.  You can write down your plans for the day or week, or you can do that and make honest-to-goodness real bucket lists.  You can use it as a journal where you write your hopes and dreams, log special events in your life, and work on your inner-self. There are so many things you can write about and track in your life...should you choose to.  That's the beauty of it.  It is completely up to you how detailed it is.  And it will all be in ONE LOCATION!

There is a certain way that you set up your journal initially that helps you keep it all organized.  The person who created this idea and system is Ryder Carroll.  You can find out more about him and the bullet journal system here.  But, if you take a few minutes (it's seriously only 4) to watch this video, you will understand the bullet journal a little better.

Isn't that amazing?! I mean, it's so simple, yet incredibly helpful! Or does it seem confusing to you?  That video shows the most basic setup...and it starts to make more sense as you begin to use it.  But basically, you use the Index to keep track of what content you have on each page, which is also a great tool for finding information that you may need again later on, after you're long past that page in your journal.  Plus, having an Index let's you add bullet journal pages about ANYTHING on your next blank page...it doesn't have to be in a specific order because you just index it.

But wait! There's more! (Sorry, just having a '90s flashback of infomercials there). While it is fabulous to have all of the things you need to take care of in one journal, I also really like the Collections.  That's where you can have a lot of fun.  This part of the bullet journal or BuJo, as it is often called, is the creative part!  You can make visually attractive lists of things like books you'd like to read, movies you'd like to watch, family birthdays (so you don't forget), your health goals and the plan you have to achieve them, places you'd like to visit, playgrounds to bring the kids to...the possibilities are endless!

And the creativity doesn't stop there. To begin with, you start by choosing a beautiful journal or planner, and then you add your own creative elements along the way.  You can sketch or draw (even simple icons like hearts and stars for those of you like me who cannot draw), write with fancy lettering, use colored markers, pens and pencils, and/or add stickers, stamps, you name it!  The DIY ideas are plentiful out there on the internet...(shameless plug...don't forget to check out my Pinterest board for some ideas), and the factory-made embellishments can be found in many different brick and mortar stores and web stores. Personally, I am using a little bit of both the DIY and factory-made embellishments. Yikes!  It's all just soooo exciting!!!! Here are a few of the items I use to embellish my bullet journal:

Well, that's it in a nutshell.  I hope you found it as intriguing as I did.  In my next post, I will be discussing more about how I am using the bullet journal system to meet my family's and my needs.  So click the link to follow my blog if you don't want to miss out! And don't forget to leave your comments or questions below...(tell me if you think this system is something you're interested in)!  Thanks for following!

Excitedly yours,
Marathon Momma

Expedition

My boys seem to be growing so quickly!  In September, I had bought them new school clothes, all around a size 5 or 5/6.  But these past few weeks, I’ve noticed that either the clothes or shrinking drastically or my children are growing an inch per day!!  I like buying the kids new clothes, especially for the beginning of the school year. More than that, though, I like buying them used clothes!!

When Little Miss was younger, I bought most of her clothes brand-new.  But then another family started handing me bins and bins of clothes for her that had been used by their girls.  We had so many beautiful outfits for Little Miss.  She barely wore the same outfit twice.  And as she grew out of them, I stuffed them back into bins to save for our next child.

It was pretty helpful to have all of those bins of clothes when I found out I was pregnant again…with twin boys! 😉  But seriously, it actually was.  Because I needed a way to make some extra spending money and here I had bins and bins of adorable, sweet little baby girl and toddler clothes.  The best part, was that Little Miss rarely made a mess of her clothes, so all of these beautiful outfits were in excellent condition.  I was able to sell them at a children’s consignment sale and I made quite a bit of money, actually.  At just one of the sales, I made around $1,000!!!!  Who knew you could make that much money off of a bunch of old clothes?!?!

So after the boys were born, I was anticipating being able to sell all of their clothes to make some extra cash, too.  But, well, boys.  They’re gross, disgusting, messy little creatures that like to dive into ketchup and make mud pancakes! They blow their boogies on their sleeves, smear poop all over their pants, and bathe in ranch dressing.  YUCK, YUCK, double YUCK! Long story, short…I have not been able to sell much of anything from their wardrobe! 

When you have two messy, yucky,  but adorable, sweet boys, the last thing you really want to do is to waste a whole chunk of  money on brand new clothes they’ll only be able to wear ONCE!  But, just for shits and giggles, let’s say that some of those new clothes remain spotless (or spot-few) through several wearings and washings.  And then, let’s say that, what seems like all of a sudden, the boys look like a combination between the Jolly Green Giant and Frankenstein in said “new” clothes.  What’s a momma to do??

Shop the thrift stores!!!!  Garage sales, consignment sales, and Craigslist are other awesome ways to save on clothes! Lately, I’ve had some really great luck at thrift stores!  This one store right around the corner from me sells children’s clothes for 50 cents each piece!  I have found Gap, Children’s Place, abercrombie (for kids), and Ralph Lauren items in near-perfect condition lately!  I’m a lucky lady!

Another great way to get more clothes for next-to-nothing is to send your sons on an expedition, complete with headlamp, into the back of their closet. Because, oh crap!  I TOTALLY FORGOT that we had an entire bin filled with spot-free, name-brand, gorgeous, stylish clothes that are just their current size!!  Palm to forehead! 

You see, a little over a year ago, I had been extremely fortunate to be at the right place at the right time and had been given several garbage bags filled with all of these super-adorable, ultra-cool, totally CLEAN clothes! But only half of them were the right size at the time.  The other half, I diligently packed away in a bin to save for later.  J  Well, later is now!  And thank goodness we found them!  Holy moly there’s a ton!!!  Well, enough for two boys…for at least a little while…until they spill chocolate down the fronts of the tops, anyway!

I was totally smart to remember the bin and send the boys on that expedition, amiright?!  Yeah, well, truth:  I had NO clue they were there.  The boys just happened to decide they wanted to explore their closet for the first time ever and they stumbled upon this great treasure.  Chub-Chub was thrilled!  He’s such a clothes horse because he loves to dress like a “handsome guy”.  Lucky me!!!!  Now I don’t have to dump money down the trash!

Stylishly yours,

MM

Tastin' Broccoli: Parenting Tip for a Picky Eater

Parents of Picky Eaters Unite!
Do you have a picky eater?  Does he or she give you a difficult time during mealtime?  Would you like to try a new strategy to get them to try out new foods?  Maybe this parenting tip will help you like it has helped our family!  Keep reading to see how it helped us, then click on the link below for a free download of my Try New Foods chart!

My Picky Eater 
Miracle Man has had a difficult time with trying new foods pretty much since we started him on solid foods as a baby. He definitely has tExTuRe issues, and won't even put things up to his mouth that he thinks will feel or taste strange to him.  Over time, the foods he is willing to eat ebbs and flows.  Recently, though, he was not willing to eat much at all...even foods that he used to like a lot!  What was a momma to do??

Well, I sought out the help of the nutritionist at our pediatrician's office and she gave me a few tips, one of which is to put him on a multi-vitamin that includes magnesium in it because a lack of magnesium in the diet can actually lead to a lack of hunger.  (Hmmmm...weight loss tip for me?!?!?!) She also suggested that we talk with him about the colors and textures of the foods we are introducing to him.  And, like any parent of a picky eater can attest to, she recommended that we don't force him to eat anything.  She said we should not make a big deal out of what he eats.  So...that strategy may work for other children, but it is one I have used off and on over the years, and it never seems to work very well with Miracle Man.

The nutritionist gave me many other ideas, as well.  And, while I have implemented some of them, I haven't been able to implement all of her suggestions. I did recently come up with an idea that I thought I would give a try, though.  It sort of goes against some of her advice, in that it focuses more on what Miracle Man is willing to eat.  But it is actually working!  With our current successes, I thought I might share it with you in case anyone else is looking to try something new with their own picky eater. 

Try New Foods Chart

In my last post, I wrote about how I have just started a ticket system to encourage the kids to help out more around the house. Well, in conjunction with that ticket system, I created a "Try New Foods" chart! I created it in Microsoft Publisher, printed it out on colored cardstock, and then laminated it. Every time the kids try any new food, they get a smiley face on the chart.  Since it is laminated, I use a dry erase marker to draw on the smiley faces, complete with mohawks for Chub-Chub, and long hair with bows for Little Miss. In addition to the smiley face, I also give them a ticket toward the rewards system we just established. On Sundays, I erase the chart to start with a blank chart each week.   I wasn't sure exactly how motivating this would be, especially for Miracle Man, but it turns out that it works!!!  For Miracle Man, it does not work every time, or even every day, but he and the other two kiddles have been trying new foods a lot!

Since we started this chart, Miracle Man has tried raw broccoli, turkey hot dogs, salad (really just lettuce with ranch, but who cares!?), and raw red peppers, just to name a few.  He even had the raw broccoli twice!  This is such a major, major accomplishment for him!!  As for Little Miss and Chub-Chub, well, they are so motivated by the tickets that they are trying several new things each day even.  I do give them a smiley face and a ticket for each new item.  Originally, I was planning on introducing new foods just once per day and allowing only one ticket per day, but since the children have showed so much interest in being able to earn more tickets just by trying new things, I've decided that the important thing is that they are tasting new foods and exploring their taste buds willingly.  And that, to me, is worth as many tickets as they can earn!!

If you or anyone you know is dealing with a picky eater, you know the struggle.  It is real. And maybe some of the more traditional approaches will suffice for you.  But if they're not working, and you're at your wit's end, go ahead and give this chart/ticket thing a try!  What do you have to lose?  And you never know!  It may just work for you, too!  Feel free to share this article.  Click the link below for a free PDF download of my Try New Foods Chart! :)

Thanks for indulging me,
Marathon Momma

Want a free download of my Try New Foods Chart? Click Here!