Today’s breakfast (brought to you on a Christmas kitty plate), consists of 1/2 of a whole wheat sandwich thin, 1 tablespoon or all natural peanut butter, and 1/2 of an avocado. Coming in at around 20g of carbohydrates, but with plenty of protein and healthy fats to satisfy the appetite, this breakfast is an interesting combination. The avocado actually helps cleanse the palate a smidgen in between bites of the peanut butter, but I long for a fresh glass of orange juice. But whaddya gonna do? 🤷🏼‍♀️ It turns out that the #gestationaldiabetes diet didn’t work too well for me, so I am now on the #insulin shots. But the diet remains in place . I’m getting a little bit bored of my regular meals, so I’m starting to switch it up a bit, trying new recipes and combinations of foods...measuring and counting every #carbohydrate along the way. The finger pricking is going alright...it’s starting to feel a bit more painful than it initially did (probably due to the frequency of irritation on my fingers??). I do test different fingers each time, and never stick myself in the same spots. So I wonder if the #fibromyalgia is causing the sensitivity, or if it’s just the way it is. Does anyone have any insight on that? TIA I hope you all have a great day! 🌞 #blogpost #preggers #pregnant #pregnantat41 #advancedmaternalage #fibroandpregnancy #fibrosucks #diabetesawareness #diabetesawarenessmonth #manageyoursugar #momlife #chronicandpregnant #chronicillness

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Yesterday was my first full day of monitoring my blood sugar levels as a momma with #gestationaldiabetes . So here’s the breakdown in how it works. First thing in the morning, before I have any breakfast, I test my blood sugar level and log it on a recording sheet. To prep for that test, all I have to do is make sure my hands are clean and that I have inserted a new lancet in the finger pricker. I can then have breakfast, and from the moment any food touches my mouth, I have to set a timer so that I can take another test exactly 1 hour after the start of eating. I’m learning a lot about controlling the carb intake at various times throughout the day. For those of you who have never gone through this or any other type of diabetes, it’s interesting to note that, although you have to be aware of your carb intake throughout the day, morning time is of the upmost importance. My diabetes educator explained to me that at breakfast time, I can have between 15 and 30 g of carbs (but no more than that). That basically eliminates any type of cereal (due to the carb count in the cereal, as well as the milk). It also eliminates traditional pancakes, French toast, bagels...pretty much everything most Americans have for breakfast (except for eggs). The focus during breakfast, she explained it to me, should be to have a lot of protein. Yesterday morning, rather than cook up an egg, I opted for half of a 100% whole wheat sandwich thin With 1 tablespoon of all natural peanut butter. I also had a quarter of a cup of cottage cheese, and approximately 1 ounce of Colby Jack cheese. For that breakfast my carb count was around 17 1/2 g. I was aiming to... #blogpost

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Bullet Journaling

Bullet journals and planners are all the rage these days.  Just walk into any office supply, big box, or craft store and you are sure to find a journal or planner display somewhere. Of course, most people already know what a planner is, but I wanted to introduce those of you who aren't "in the know" to the bullet journal.  I recently found out about them while searching Pinterest for creative lettering ideas and the more I found out about them, the more excited I became (as you can tell from my Pinterest Board here).

One of my favorite things in the world is organizing things.  Ever since I can remember, I have had a fascination with Rubbermaid.  If I had been smart when I was 20, I would've bought stock in the company!  And planners are my fav, too!  I am a visual person, so I need things laid out for me in black and white.  I am also intensly passionate about stationery and school supplies...(it might have been one of the reasons why I went into teaching LOL).  The creative side of me is exploding lately, too. So the totally awesome thing about bullet journaling is that it combines ALL of these passions at once and soothes my inner Type A personality.

We live in an age where technology dominates our lives.  We have our iphones, tablets, fitbits, laptops, HDTV, smart homes, apps here, remotes there.  We are completely inundated with beeps and dings all around us.  Our lives are fast-paced and to some extent (especially when compared to generations before us), chaotic. With every day that passes, though, we learn about new features and apps on our smartphones to help us stay organized.  And they're great!  I use many of my apps to organize my life.  For instance, I couldn't live without my calendar and my notepad, or my many programmed alarms to give me reminders about places I need to be (don't forget to be home in time to get the kids off the bus), things I need to do (paperwork, paperwork, paperwork), and people I need to call (8 bazillion appointments to schedule this week).

At some point, though, remembering to look at my apps (and/or not just absent-mindedly clicking off the reminders) becomes challenging in the day-to-day hustle and bustle. It's kind of ridiculous, actually, that I have all of these strategies in place to help me remember something, but then I don't even pay attention to the reminder so that I can remember! And don't even get me started on the challenges of scheduling appointments on the phone while my calendar is...on the phone!  It can be tricky and awkward at times to have the doctor's office hold while I pull the phone away from my ear to check my calendar...and god forbid the appointment doesn't work and I have to check again! Aaargh!

So if you're like me and like to be organized, have a visual display of your life, and JUST NEED EVERYTHING IN ONE PLACE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, then a bullet journal may appeal to you, too!

Essentially what it is, in it's most basic form, is a blank journal, where you can record your life using bulleted lists, an index, a key, and calendars.  Hence the name, bullet journal.  Beyond that, the sky's the limit! It is all up to you how much time and effort you wish to put into it.  You can make it creative and beautiful, or plain and simple.  You can write down your plans for the day or week, or you can do that and make honest-to-goodness real bucket lists.  You can use it as a journal where you write your hopes and dreams, log special events in your life, and work on your inner-self. There are so many things you can write about and track in your life...should you choose to.  That's the beauty of it.  It is completely up to you how detailed it is.  And it will all be in ONE LOCATION!

There is a certain way that you set up your journal initially that helps you keep it all organized.  The person who created this idea and system is Ryder Carroll.  You can find out more about him and the bullet journal system here.  But, if you take a few minutes (it's seriously only 4) to watch this video, you will understand the bullet journal a little better.

Isn't that amazing?! I mean, it's so simple, yet incredibly helpful! Or does it seem confusing to you?  That video shows the most basic setup...and it starts to make more sense as you begin to use it.  But basically, you use the Index to keep track of what content you have on each page, which is also a great tool for finding information that you may need again later on, after you're long past that page in your journal.  Plus, having an Index let's you add bullet journal pages about ANYTHING on your next blank page...it doesn't have to be in a specific order because you just index it.

But wait! There's more! (Sorry, just having a '90s flashback of infomercials there). While it is fabulous to have all of the things you need to take care of in one journal, I also really like the Collections.  That's where you can have a lot of fun.  This part of the bullet journal or BuJo, as it is often called, is the creative part!  You can make visually attractive lists of things like books you'd like to read, movies you'd like to watch, family birthdays (so you don't forget), your health goals and the plan you have to achieve them, places you'd like to visit, playgrounds to bring the kids to...the possibilities are endless!

And the creativity doesn't stop there. To begin with, you start by choosing a beautiful journal or planner, and then you add your own creative elements along the way.  You can sketch or draw (even simple icons like hearts and stars for those of you like me who cannot draw), write with fancy lettering, use colored markers, pens and pencils, and/or add stickers, stamps, you name it!  The DIY ideas are plentiful out there on the internet...(shameless plug...don't forget to check out my Pinterest board for some ideas), and the factory-made embellishments can be found in many different brick and mortar stores and web stores. Personally, I am using a little bit of both the DIY and factory-made embellishments. Yikes!  It's all just soooo exciting!!!! Here are a few of the items I use to embellish my bullet journal:

Well, that's it in a nutshell.  I hope you found it as intriguing as I did.  In my next post, I will be discussing more about how I am using the bullet journal system to meet my family's and my needs.  So click the link to follow my blog if you don't want to miss out! And don't forget to leave your comments or questions below...(tell me if you think this system is something you're interested in)!  Thanks for following!

Excitedly yours,
Marathon Momma

To Draw, Or Not To Draw?

Adults are...coloring?!?  Yes, they are! In fact, they're heading to craft stores for adult coloring books in droves!  If you haven't yet seen any articles or posts about this in your own social media newsfeeds, there is growing research that indicates that drawing and coloring can be as peaceful and relaxing as meditation can be for adults. Having read all the hype, I decided, what the heck? Why not try it out? So, although I am not typically one known for jumping on the bandwagon, I decided to purchase an adult coloring book to aid me in my quest for relaxation. 

This is the one I bought, which I got at Joann Fabrics, but you can get it on Amazon, too, right here:

When I first took out my new coloring book to experience this so-called "meditative" coloring, I was very excited! I got out my special Zig Memory System artist's markers that I have for paper crafting and my good ol' colored pencils. 

I wasn't sure which one I would prefer to use, but I thought I'd give them both a try. Within the first few minutes of coloring, it was completely evident to me which medium I would prefer:  the colored pencils. This was because I didn't like the way the markers felt on the paper. And I also didn't like how the paper pilled up beneath the marker's brush after repetitive strokes, much like a wool sweater does (until you finally shave it with a sweater shaver).  Too, I wasn't crazy about being able to see the brush strokes within the design I was coloring.

Feeling a bit dismayed with the results the markers were giving me, I opted to start a new page using my colored pencils.  My colored pencils are just your average, run-of-the-mill colored pencils...you know, the ones you can buy at Walmart for twenty-five cents during the back-to-school sales at the end of the summer. I liked the feel of the colored pencil on the paper much better.  It glided easier and created a smoother look to my design.

Once I began working on my new page, I quickly realized that the design I had chosen was incredibly detailed...which, to me, felt overwhelming at times. I also realized that when you are working on a detailed design, you can choose to hone in on as much or as little of the details as you wish. I found that the more I colored, the more I wanted to find ways in which I could "chunk" the designs to make it simpler to color. Of course, the OCD part of me still continued to pay close attention to the minutiae. The solution I found to feeling this sense of being overwhelmed:  my next coloring page would be far less detailed! That will be my strategy for now...until I can find the peace and relaxation I am seeking. Once I discover my happy place, I will be able to choose some of the more intricate designs again.

The other snafu I ran into...quite frequently, might I add...was lack of peace and quiet! With 3 children, two dogs, and three cats, (plus a husband), there is very little of that around...EVER! Hence the quest for peace in the first place! If it wasn't the kids fighting (or avoiding bedtime with their pleas for a drink, a snack, or a trip to the moon, etc.), then it was inevitable that the dog would be chasing the cats around the house like her last meal had been two weeks ago! It's been INSANE trying to find that one moment of solitude to actually relax during the coloring. Hmmm...I have no solution for this problem...as of yet!  Perhaps just waiting until the kids are all grown and out of the house?!? 

Kids, dogs, cats, husbands, and any random farm animals aside, there were actually a few moments where I did enjoy the coloring!  And although it wasn't always relaxing, I did manage to complete my first page! 

Right before I actually bought a real coloring book, I had found a couple of iPhone and iPad apps that let you color a design in electronically. One of the apps, "Adult Coloring Book," by Groom Lake Development, lets you listen to relaxing music or nature sounds while you "color".  I really like the designs on this app a lot, and there are more to choose from in the free part of the app than the Recolor app.  The other app, "Recolor," by Sumoing, lets you choose which medium you wish for your final product to appear like you used when coloring it in. Here are the designs I colored:

 This mandala was colored and left "Plain" in the section that allows you to choose the medium.

 After this next mandala was colored, I choose the "Shadow" medium, which, as you can see, makes the design look as if it is more 3-dimensional with a shadow added to it.

In this one, after I colored it, I choose the "Shiny" medium.  I think it makes it look like plastic!  What do you think?

Pretty neat, huh? I definitely enjoyed coloring electronically. It allows you to make mistakes and then correct them, just like the "undo" button in Microsoft programs.  I also enjoyed tapping to color a whole section in.  It was wicked easy and less fatiguing on my hands than traditional coloring! All-in-all, I feel like the electronic coloring book definitely has a place and a purpose in this new wave of adult...errrrrr...entertainment. 

After these coloring experiences, I was in a local scrapbooking store and came across books that teach you how to draw what the books referred to as "Zentangles". This is a type of drawing I have been doing since high school...but I never knew it was an actual "thing"! Now, mind you, mine have always been slightly different and have not followed "their" prescribed patterns and rules. But it was so exciting to see that I had been drawing "something real"! I could not wait to find out more information and begin drawing these "doodles" in a more formal manner (aka...not just on the side of my papers, but perhaps in a real drawing journal!?!?). As soon as I could, I began searching for more information online about Zentangle.

Having found several websites and tons of pictures, I couldn't wait to begin! So on my next adventure outside of the house, I actually did purchase a real drawing journal and real, adult's colored pencils!!! My first coloring experience with the new pencils was amazing...far more enjoyable and surprising than I seriously could have imagined! It really is incredible the difference quality materials can make!

Here are the pencils I purchased:

And here is the page I colored with the new pencils:

The new colored pencils were much smoother and the lead felt softer. In contrast, the old colored pencils I had been using kept breaking every time I would touch them to my paper...even if I wasn't pressing that hard. And whenever I would sharpen them, they would just break right apart. I was getting really frustrated with them, so the difference with the new colored pencils was huge! The new pencils seemed to just glide over my paper...and the colors were beautiful!

Okay, I got off on a wee little tangent there...so, back to the Zentangle style of drawing. Now that I had a real sketchpad I was ready to begin my visual journal.  I chose to use two different Sharpies. An extra fine tip and a fine tip. I like the contrast between the sizes as I'm drawing. 

Here is the sketch journal I chose:

And here are my Sharpies:

When I first sat down to draw, I started with a little tiny square on my page and started doodling different designs inside of it, but then I wanted to expand my design. So, I started working outside of the box. I was trying to challenge myself to use different types of doodles than I've ever used before, and at times my imagination was stalled. I had to find different ideas. So i did what any self-respecting, up-and-coming artist would do: I went online! I looked at the Zentangle method again and people's pictures of their own artwork for ideas.

Once I had a couple of designs that I could doodle, it started to flow a lot easier for me. I really enjoyed the Zentangle-esque style of drawing! It was so much fun! Once I was finished with my first page, I couldn't wait to start my next! 

Here is my first page, in all it's glory (haha):

For my next page, I once again looked up some ideas online and then let my imagination flow. Here is what I came up with:

Although I like this new design, I felt it was a bit "chunky" looking. 

So, for my next design, I had wanted to do something with a lot of fine detail. I went online again and found a beautiful piece of artwork that someone else had drawn and I decided to use that as my springboard. I didn't want to replicate it, but I wanted to use it to spark my creativity. Here is what I drew:

I love how it came out! I was a little bit frustrated at times by a few of my details and how they didn't turn out the way I originally thought they would, but when I take a look at the whole piece of work, I am quite satisfied. One of the things that I found out about the Zentangle method is that you are supposed to accept everything that you draw. So, if you think something you've drawn is a mistake, instead of dwelling on it being a mistake, you're supposed to turn it into part of your design. I had to do that several times! But, I was able to figure out a pattern or doodle for each "error"...even though at first I was a little frustrated with myself. 

In any case, this is my favorite piece of work so far, and I can't wait to draw another one! I just haven't had any time in the past week. 

Thanks for reading and I hope you've enjoyed this post! Hopefully I've even inspired you to try coloring or drawing!! Feel free to share your experiences below, and don't forget to follow my blog if you like what you've read so far! 

Artistically yours,

Marathon Momma

Slow Down

This.  This song by Nichole Nordeman, along with it's video, has all.the.feels.  I couldn't stop crying while I was watching it.  It's so difficult when you are in the thick of it, to s l o w down and really absorb the life teeming around you, isn't it? But what a beautiful, albeit melancholy, reminder for all of us parents.

When you first have a child, all of your family, friends, coworkers...they all tell you not to wish it away.  To savor every moment. To love your children's smallness.  Because we all know that children grow up too fast, and before you know it, they're grown and out the door, leaving you in your nest with only the countless photographs, videos, memorabilia to comfort you with such an incredible emptiness.

As the children screech and scream through your life, wanting and needing so much from you, you may often find yourself wanting and needing a break.  From them.  But not really from them...(well, okay, maybe sometimes), but mostly from the ChAoS of raising little ones.  You need your "me time" to process the cacophony, and regroup to better handle their urgent requests of "Mooooooommm!!  I NEED a drink NOW!!", the bickering, the running through the house while they shoot each other with Nerf guns, which inevitably turns into more bickering. You need to withdraw from the noise...just.to.hear.yourself.think.  Or go to the bathroom...ALONE...for crying out loud!

But you don't need a break from loving them.  And that's what speaks to me in this sweet, sweet song.  Because even though it's a crazy time of your life, and you may need to have some space from it all every now and then, you still love and cherish those little kiddles in your life. You wish to be able to cuddle them up and shower them with kisses forever.  But these moments are fleeting, and if you don't stop to smell the poopy diapers (eeewwwww, gross!), the dandelion heads that have been popped off and lovingly handed to you, the squiggly, wiggly worms with them, you could miss out on so much. So perhaps we should put down our brooms, leave the dirty dishes in the sink, pile the laundry on the couch (hopefully it's at least clean), turn off our social media notifications, and stash our iPhones away.

We need to be present and mindful, absorb every possible second, every possible snuggle, every possible smell we have with them...even when we are tired and our feet are aching from mopping the floors twice because it was raining all day, and well, boys...and mud. Because there are no do-overs when it comes to children growing up. Today, they are the youngest they will ever be again. And tomorrow is never promised. So hold on tight through this bumpy ride and give them all the conscious energy you can. Because today...Today is tomorrow's memory.

Chaotically yours,

MM

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Stickers for Dinner

It was a regular old evening here in our house tonight.  The kids were running around screaming and demanding snacks while I was making" dinner". Then Miracle Man came up to me, holding a big brown nugget of poop, at which point Chub-Chub saw the poop and decided he needed to use the potty...as in RIGHT NOW! In between the stirring of the would-be dinner of microwaved eggs, the potty assisting, butt wiping, diaper changing, and washing hands eight times, the phone was ringing. And of course it was a call I had to take. 

When the phone call was finished, the boys' bowels were empty, the diapers were back on, and the hands were cleaned of any fecal matter (eeeewwwww...gross!!), we finally sat down to eat.  Chub-Chub began gobbling up his portion right away, hungry and happy to be eating.  Little Miss decided she didn't want to.even.try.the.gross.eggs.  (To which I politely  responded that she will eat them now or go to bed hungry).  And Miracle Man nibbled one bite, lost complete interest, and began throwing the eggs on the floor.  Yeah, I'd say pretty much a typical evening.

Sitting next to Miracle Man, I attempted the usual spoon-feeding, which of course didn't work.  He was having absolutely no part in eating those eggs, refusing to even open his mouth.  I tried something new, though.  I said to all three kids (of course it was mostly directed at Little Miss and Miracle Man---although I knew he wouldn't "get it", so essentially it was a challenge to Little Miss), "Whoever eats their eggs first gets a prize!"

Well, Little Miss embraced the challenge and practically sucked the eggs up like a vacuum! (That's my favorite appliance, remember?)  As soon as her last morsel was devoured, she immediately requested her prize and I sent her to the prize drawer.  She returned to her seat with a page of stickers...something that instantly  caught the attention of Miracle Man, who looooovvveeesssss stickers!  And then it hit me...that epiphany that I needed right at that moment: 

"Miracle Man, would you like a sticker?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, if you eat your eggs, you can have a sticker!"
"Yeah."

I spooned the eggs into his mouth.  And the little stinker ATE them!!! I had to keep promising the sticker for each bite, but I was able to feed him quite a bit of what was on his plate!  It was a huge breakthrough!

It may be only a temporary solution.  But it may not be.  Either way, I will take it!  And if it does work over the long-haul, we will be stocking up on stickers!!!

Relieved at the moment,

Marathon Momma

Momma Bear and The Sensory Kid

Miracle Man has always had sensitivities and "quirks". For instance, the textures and temperatures of foods affect whether or not he will eat them.  He refuses to eat chunky or chewy foods, but likes softer textures.  So, I can get him to eat hummus and guacamole (I know, right?!?!), but I have a hard time getting him to eat avocados, beans, or apples.  He will eat smooth yogurt (even plain greek), but if it has real fruit in it, he won't even let it get past his lips.  If one smidgen of chunky food gets in his mouth, he spits it.  Right. Back. Out.

When he was much younger, I could not vacuum the living room or turn on any appliance that sounded anywhere near  as loud as a vacuum.  If I did, he would start shrieking and screaming his head off. It scared him to death! So I used to vacuum around his sleeping schedule. Luckily, most of the time...if he was sound  asleep...he would continue snoring away and I  would be able to get the crumbs and dog hair off the floor.

It could get tricky, though, on days when I needed to vacuum several times throughout the day...instead of only  during naptime. You see, we had this rug that seemed to magnetically or cosmically attract every.single.speck  of dust in the entire  house, plus the neighbor's house. Tragically, it used to need to be vacuumed sometimes up to three times a day! With Miracle Man's sensitivities, if I needed to vacuum while he was awake, I felt like I was      tOrTuRiNg      him.  He would scream and cry hysterically, and it was extremely difficult to soothe him. Typically, when he was upset like that, he wouldn't calm down for at least an hour.  So, as a busy mom already strapped for time, sometimes I had to choose between keeping the rug clean of debris and the meltdowns that ensued, or letting go of the mess and keeping Miracle Man feeling "safe".

As the vacuum-phobia-screaming thing continued, it also escalated.  There came a point that whenever Miracle Man even saw  the scary-loud-sucking-up-apparatus, he would fffrrrreeeeeaaaaakkkkkk out...before I even turned it on!! We needed to find a solution so that I could vacuum with Miracle Man around.

So, with the help of his therapists, we tried to desensitize him to the sights and sounds of this machine that I , for one , am in complete awe of.  I must digress here for a moment because this is a topic that I think about all.the.time...I absolutely love vacuuming!  Well, not the actual lugging around, sweating, hard work part of it.  But, I am always fascinated by how AMAZING that invention is!  I mean, whoever came up with that thing is like my BFF for life!  I marvel at its awesomeness whenever I plug it in and begin sucking up dust, cheerios, powdered sugar, cat fur, cat puke, crazy loom bands.  Ooooo!  I love ,  and I mean LOVE vacuuming up those !  It gives me this twisted sense of satisfaction to just...zooooppp them up!  Gone!  No longer all over the floor!  Hehehehe!  (insert evil grin here)  You simply cannot deny that the vacuum is totally AWESOME! 

Anyway, back on topic...so to desensitize Miracle Man, we would have him in one room with the therapist and me in another room with the vacuum.  We would start by telling him that I was going to turn the vacuum on and then gradually bring him closer to me.  Each time a therapist was here, we would work on this, getting closer and closer to me, and then finally bringing him into the room where the vacuum was. In the beginning, we also would cover his ears when necessary. Over time, we would have successes, and then failures. But for the most part, the desensitizing worked. I was once  again  able to turn on my fav machine and go to town on those dust bunnies, dried up pieces of scrambled eggs, bits of pizza crust, Lego pieces (sacrilegious, I know), you name it!

We were so successful, in fact, that for quite a while now, Miracle Man has been able to handle the sounds of things like the vacuum or the blender like a champ, especially if I preset him (tell him ahead of time that I'm turning it on). I usually also preface it with a countdown of three so that he knows exactly when the noise will begin.  But our success was so profound, I could even vacuum right.next.to.him! 

Over the past month and a half, though, he is having a tougher time with his sensory processing. He is back to screaming and shrieking when the vacuum is on.  And it seems like every day, Miracle Man is having a harder time with noises. He has begun covering his ears for every loud sound he can hear, like the garbage truck going by while he is outside.  And while he is covering his ears, he is telling us, "Loud.  Loud.  Loud." 

Too, we just got a door alarm for the house because we're worried about the kiddles finally escaping to find a better set of parents. Naturally, whenever the alarm goes off, Miracle Man covers his ears and says, "Horn. Horn. Horn." It takes him several minutes after the "horn" is done before he stops covering his ears and he can move past the disturbance. His hearing (or his processing of what he hears) has gotten incredibly sensitive! 

On Father's Day weekend, we tried bringing the whole family to the fireworks.  Big Mistake.  Big. Although we had anticipated some  anxiety, we weren't completely prepared for his reaction.  He shrieked and screamed so badly that it was clear to us he was being Harmed.  We kept trying to move away from the blasts of beauty to find a better place to be; a place where he couldn't see the lights.  We ducked behind a tractor trailer next to the midway of the town fair we were at.  He continued to scream, and he looked...Terrified!  We covered his ears and moved still further back. Now, you should know that when Miracle Man has a seizure, his eyes get all funny-looking and his pupils dilate.  His eyes just look so...different . It makes him look like a different child. Well, at the fireworks that night, he started to get "that look" all over his eyes. We were very nervous, and he was so distraught, that we ended up heading to the car.

Safely inside the car, the booms and bangs were muffled, and the lights were hidden from view.  Miracle Man began to settle down a bit, but he was still fretting.  It was very scary to see him like that. And even though I had anticipated him having a hard time, I didn't expect him to freak out quite so badly.  My nerves were shot.  Momma Bear had had that fight or flight reflex.  It took a long time for the adrenaline coursing through my body to subside.  I have since decided that we need to get him a pair of those sound-deafening ear muffs.  We will probably also use sunglasses when there is so much visual stimuli in the future, as well.  But, man!  Times they are a changing for our family!

So, the next day, we were headed to a car show and Prince Charming wanted to wash our car before going there. We brought it into one of those automated car washes, and within seconds, Miracle Man was having the same expression on his face and that same shrieking-screaming-I'm-terrified reaction. It was so bad that I had to get out of my seat and climb into the back seat with him where I could cover his eyes and his ears to block all of the sensory stimulation. Again, he had that same "look" in his eyes that he gets during a seizure.  And again, there was a very worried momma.  Naturally, once we exited the car wash, he calmed down.  It took quite a bit longer than that for his momma to calm down~especially since it was the second day in a row! ;)

It seems these episodes are becoming more and more frequent.  For example, we recently went out to an old-time ice cream shop. There was a painfully long wait with the kiddles, and then it was finally our turn to be seated.  The waitress brought us over to our table and above our table was a fan. The way the fan was positioned, it broke up the light on the table that was coming from the lamp next to the fan. This setup created a strobe light effect and, once again, Miracle Man started to "freak out".  I thought he might have a seizure.  Luckily, I spoke with the couple who had been seated next to us at the same time.  I briefly explained the situation and they had no problem at all changing tables with us. We were very  grateful  to them!  We were able to sit and relax a while. And we definitely enjoyed our marvel-licious ice creams from the safety of our new booth!

Now, it's not just his hearing that has become super-sensitive.  So has his sight.  The lights in our house that didn't use to bother him at all, for instance, suddenly do. One morning we laid him down on the living room floor to change his diaper, and the light overhead was bugging him.  He was starting to get upset to the point where we had to turn off the light to complete the diaper exchange.  There have been several other "insignificant" moments where Miracle Man has reacted to lights lately. But none of them interesting enough to continue this paragraph. So this paragraph is done.  The End.  (I feel like a second grader. Lol)

I have always felt like I've been on hyper alert with Miracle Man. But lately, it seems like I have to be much more aware of sounds and lights and things that could upset him. That also means that bringing him to things like the movies is not likely to happen anytime in the near future. As I said earlier, I will probably be getting the noise-deafening ear muffs sometime soon, but in the meantime, I have to be very vigilant about what he is exposed to that might set him into a panic.  I am also anxiously awaiting a return phone call from his neurologist to see if he has any more input for us.  Until then, I am Momma Bear and I wait in the forest...watching from afar (but not too far), allowing him to navigate his world with some independence, but ready to attack those lights and sounds at a moment's notice!  RoAr! 

Yours from the Forest of Mommyhood,

Marathon Momma

An MRI...Or Not An MRI? That is the Question!

After the unsuccessful attempt at a sleep study in early January, we were rescheduled for another one.  This one would be just a couple of weeks later in the hope that Miracle Man would be more accepting and tolerant of being all hooked up.  I preferred rescheduling sooner, rather than later, thinking that if the first attempt was recent enough to the second one, perhaps he would remember, "Hey!  I did this before!"  Then maybe, just  maybe , we would make it through the second one?

In the meantime, Miracle Man had had an MRI scheduled for the end of January and that had been scheduled for several weeks already.  Now, in my world, the age-old cliché "when it rains, it pours," seems to be the standard for how our schedule goes.  Well, low and behold, the new sleep study was scheduled for the day after Miracle Man's upcoming MRI.  Of course.

No big deal, though.  I just go with the motions.  Keep on keepin' on!  So the MRI was our next BIG adventure.  When an adult has an MRI, it can be challenging for them, depending on their ability to deal with the close proximity of the walls to their body and their threshold for managing the strange noises that come from the machine.  But I will tell you, it is definitely much easier  for most adults to have an MRI than a 2 year old.

Now, don't get me wrong...I have had a couple of MRIs, myself, and I tend to be one of those    claustrophobes    that panics before...and during the test.  I was lucky to have one of my closest friends drive me to my last one, though.  And this was especially helpful to me because it meant that my doc could prescribe something for me to help me relax enough to complete the test.  So, as an adult who has a difficult time sliding into the DREADED TUBE, I completely understand how difficult it would be for a small child.  Naturally, then, when the pediatric neurologist informed me that my son would need to be sedated for the test, I was completely on board. 

The plan was to use an anesthesia that would require him not to eat or drink past a specific time.  I knew that would be difficult for Miracle Man, and so I carefully planned out every detail of his meal the evening before, as well as his sleeping and waking times so that I could make sure we followed the rules.  We needed to make it to the hospital for an 8:30 am check-in, and it was my job to make sure he didn't have ANYTHING to eat or drink! 

We were completely on schedule that morning and I had done everything I needed to do with him to make sure we were following the necessary requirements.  All rules followed to a "T"!  The only thing I had left to do was to warm up the car so that my little guy wouldn't freeze his tushy off on the way to the hospital.  I carried Miracle Man into the living room, all bundled and ready to walk out the door, and rushed out to the car.  I was out there for less than a minute!  ONE  itsy bitsy minute!

A little digression here...One thing you should know about Miracle Man is that he perseverates on things.  If I haven't said it before, it is one of his "quirks".  He will find some specific activity that he enjoys and he will repeat it incessantly.  There is literally NOTHING I can do to stop him from doing whatever that activity is--believe me, I have tried EVERYTHING !

So, in every single room in our house, there is one particular thing he does over, and over, and over again,     every.single.time     he is in that room.  There is some type of connection for him in each room.  I cannot explain it.  I don't fully understand why.  All I know is that he obsesses over these particular things.  For example, in our living room, he is obsessed with turning the XBOX on and off, on and off, on and off.  Every time he enters the living room...even to this day, he turns the XBOX on and off.  All day long.  (Unfortunately, our TV stand does not have a place to hide the XBOX from him.)  In the kitchen, when Miracle Man is at the kitchen table, he throws his food on the ground.  Every meal.  Every  day .  Ever since he has been eating table food.  No matter what course of action I take.  It never changes.  EVER. 

Miracle Man's perseveration even happens outside of our home, too.  When we visit different people's homes, for example, he immediately gravitates to that one thing in each room of their home that he is obsessed with.  When we visit one of my closest friend's, he walks in the door and walks right over to their TV and turns it on and off, on and off...you get the picture.  Yes, Miracle Man loooooooves electronics!  Anything that makes noise and lights up...instant gratification at its best!

Okay, so you get the perseveration, right?  What does that have to do with the MRI, you ask?  Well...do you remember when I said that I went outside to warm up the car for less  than  one  minute ?  And do you remember the very STRICT rules of NO FOOD and NO DRINK...that I carefully followed to a "T"?  I am sure at this point you have guessed what happened...you just need the details to complete the picture in your mind...so here they are:

I walked back into the house to get Miracle Man and head to our long-awaited MRI...only to find my obsessive-compulsive little toddler shoving a fistful  of cat food in his mouth.  Uuuuuuuugh!!!  Are you kidding me?!?!?!  What the heck do I do now????  I only had to MOVE MOUNTAINS again  for this appointment to work out as scheduled! That's all. No big deal (insert heavy sarcasm here).

So, cat/dog food is just one of those things that Miracle Man perseverates on.  Any time he is near cat food, dog food, or the water dishes, he simply must eat the food and play in the water.  He cannot  stop himself.  And I have tried like only a      bazillion-and-one     times to change that behavior.  But it just is part of who he is.  For now, at least. 

Unsure what to do next, and not knowing if and how much he may have ingested, I was in a pickle.  It was too late to call and cancel the appointment.  And...there was always... what if they would  take him into the MRI?  I packed him into the car and headed to the hospital. 

We arrived at the hospital on-time and checked-in.  He was all registered and waiting when the nurse came over to me to discuss the details of the steps we would be taking during the MRI.  At this point, I informed her about the morning's CAT FOOD EVENT.  And, naturally , they wouldn't take Miracle Man in for the MRI once they heard that he had "eaten".  Miracle Man's MRI was immediately rescheduled and we were sent home.  Now, if you're keeping score, that would be 2 failed tests in a row...in a matter of about 2 weeks.  And 2 major  juggling acts of children and schedules...that were somewhat fruitless efforts in terms of getting the answers that we need about our son.  Bummer!

It was definitely frustrating...but it also ended up being a really good thing...because I had some ultra  important  personal business to take care of...that I wouldn't have been able to do, had we had the MRI after all.  Instead of dwelling on the fact that we didn't accomplish the MRI, I left the hospital that morning thinking about how funny life is...how some seemingly  difficult circumstances can actually turn out to be for the best.  To this day, I thank God that Miracle Man ate that handful of cat food.  Having the time to take care of what I needed to that day ended up making a huge difference in my life!

Of course...we still needed our MRI...and the second sleep study...but that would come the very.next.day.  And that, ladies and gentlemen, will be the subject of my next post!

Oh, and by the way, the first thing I did that week when I had a moment to go to the store was to buy another baby gate and install it on the entryway to the laundry room.  Cat food, dog food, and water dishes are now permanently in the laundry room...Problem solved!  (Except when I forget to latch the gate and the little devil sneaks in there before I notice!)  I may not be able to change him, but I can definitely change what he is allowed access to!


Wishing you sunshine and rainbows,

Marathon Momma

Dreamland..Or Bust!

To try and sum up the past few months for Miracle Man seems a daunting task.  We have been to countless doctor's appointments, had several rounds of blood taken, and several different other types of tests done on my poor little guy.  He has made progress, and had setbacks.  There is just sooooo much to share that I think the easiest way for me to do this would be to take it one step at a time and update you over the course of several different posts.

So...Miracle Man has been having a real difficult time with balance.  And it has been extremely challenging figuring out the source of the difficulties.  We thought the tubes being placed in his ears would help with the balance. And, while it did  make it easier for him to hear better, the balance issue has only seemed to have gotten worse over the past six months.  In addition to his lack of balance, Miracle Man has been extremely lethargic.  He has difficulty staying awake, paying attention.  He yawns all day long, regardless of how much sleep he has had.  Too, he wakes frequently throughout the night.  With all of these factors coming into play, we were sent by the neurologist to have a sleep study done. 

We met with the doctor at the sleep/wake clinic and she concurred that a sleep study would be helpful in finding answers to our questions.  So a sleep study was scheduled, and in January, Miracle Man and I went to the sleep clinic for the study.

It was a very strange experience, if you've never been to one before.  It was sorta like going to a hotel.  But also sorta like being in a hospital.  And a bit  like being in a fishbowl, too.  When we first arrived, the technician that would be performing the study showed us our room, which was setup very much like a hotel room.  There was a bed, some nightstands, a few chairs (one of which pulled out into a bed), a wardrobe to store your personal belongings, a tv, and a private bathroom. 

Once we settled in, our technician came back into the room and explained how everything would go.  He explained that Miracle Man would be all hooked up with wires and electrodes and that while Miracle Man and I were sleeping, he would monitor the data, as well as listen to the sounds coming from our room.  He said that if we needed anything, we could just talk to him as if he were there in the room because he could hear us.  Hmmmm...that's a bit strange, but okay.  Naturally, our technician then proceeded to tell me about how he would also be monitoring Miracle Man's movements through the video camera.  Ummmm...wait !   What?!?!  Okay, now that's a bit downright cReEpY!  Of course, we were  there to gather information on Miracle Man's sleeping patterns and habits, but I was not so sure about how I felt about that video thingy...considering I would be sleeping in the room, too!  We needed the data on Miracle Man, though, so it left me with no choice but to be monitored in my sleep, as well!  Yikes!  I felt compelled to tell the technician that I don't snore very often, but to please let me know if I do or if I don't...one way or the other I needed to know... because Prince Charming likes to tease me that I snore allllllll the time!  (For you curious cats out there...no, I didn't snore that night!) Yipppeeee!!

Once we got through the explanation of the procedures, our technician began bringing in wires and electrodes to attach to Miracle Man.  My little guy actually handled it waaaaayyyyy better than I thought he would!  He sat calmly on my lap while I read to him and the tech hooked him up.  And I was beginning to think this might actually  work!  The tech attached all but a few of the wires and devices, leaving the ones that attach to the face until Miracle Man had arrived safely and soundly in Dreamland. 

Well, as fate would have it, just as he was packed, seated, on the runway, and ready for take-off, our technician tried attaching the remaining wires and the wheels of the plane came to a screeching halt.  There was simply NO WAY Miracle Man was going to continue on his blissful journey to Dreamland!  He did not like the newest attachments one bit!  Of course, could you blame him?  I wouldn't be able to sleep with all of those things hooked up to me, either!  In any case, once Miracle Man realized what was happening, he began pulling off the wires that were on his face.  And, naturally, what do you expect happened next?  Yep...he became aware that 1) he did not like having ANY of the wires or electrodes attached to him, and 2) that he could simply pull them off!  Screeeeeeech! 

And that was pretty much the end of that sleep study.  We were told at this point that there was no use in continuing the study with Miracle Man since the doctors needed to have at least 6 hours of data.  Considering that we had to finish the study by 7 am (and it was well past 1:30 am now), it wasn't going to happen.  We would have to reschedule. Bummer!  After all, it is really challenging arranging everything to make it possible for just me to take just Miracle Man somewhere and have the other children taken care of!

Secretly, though, I was not disappointed in the least!  Even though I didn't get very much sleep that night, and even though it was difficult to arrange the scheduling of everything, being there with just.one.kiddle felt like a...VACATION!  Hahaha!  So schedule another sleep study you say?  Sure thing!  ABSOLUTELY!! Sign me up!  (Yes, I do realize that's a sad state of affairs right there!)

Heading off to my own Dreamland now,

Marathon Momma

Keep on Keepin' On

It's been quite some time since I last wrote a post.  Life has been hectic and overwhelming.  And, quite frankly, there have been some ups, but many more downs lately.  Since I do not want to be using this blog to constantly whine about all of that, I have had a hard time finding something really great to write about. But today, I want to focus on what is real.  So here is really what is on my mind.  For real.

 My own health has taken a turn for the worse, which can be very depressing at times.  I have always been a very energetic, generally positive, Type A-er. But these past few months have challenged both my physical and my inner strength.  Whereas during the course of last summer I was trying to walk, run, or ride my bike at least a few times per week, my body refuses to let me do so much as walk around the block right now.  The aches, pains, and fatigue are getting worse and I have difficulty with many of the basic daily tasks that I used to take for granted, like daily showers.  As a result of my illness, I am currently on an extended sick leave from my career.  So...yes, I do  in fact feel like a caged animal!

Because each day is often a struggle, I usually have to pick and choose what I am going to apply my energy and strength to.  Some days, I focus on simple tasks like just feeding, bathing, dressing, and corralling the little animals, I mean children.  Other days I am able to do some housework or take the little monkeys outside to play.  Once in a while, I may even have a good day and throw in a trip to a museum or the park.  But those occasions are rare.  Plus, they typically wipe me out too much for the rest of the day (and usually into the next, if not longer).

To make matters extra-challenging, cuz, why the heck not?, for as long as I can remember, Prince Charming (my handsome hubby) has been working around the clock.  He has a regular full-time job as an instructor at the local community college, as well as his own business.  He loves teaching the students at the college, sharing his knowledge with them, and he is very good at it.  But his passion is in his business.  He works very hard to provide for our family.  And he works very hard at making his business into a successful one.  He puts in extremely long hours--basically working around the clock.  We hardly ever see him, except for one day each weekend.  Most days, he leaves when the school bus pulls away, and returns after everyone, including me, is asleep.  The children miss him terribly throughout the week, which breaks my heart.  Many days, part of our morning routine includes Chub-Chub standing at the door, tears staining his rosy cheeks as he cries out, "Daddy no go work."  

As for me, I miss having a husband, a companion, someone to share my life and the children with.  I miss evenings together watching our favorite shows.  Or simple adult conversation.  It can get quite lonely, especially late at night once the kiddles are sound asleep, blankies tucked around their tiny bodies.  I also wish that Prince Charming were here more to share in the immense responsibility of raising the children, guiding them to be socially adept, well-mannered, principled, productive citizens.  It would be great to have someone to help encourage and shape their young minds and souls so that it wasn't just on me.  And then, there is also the incredible amount of work and stress of our sweet Miracle Man, whose needs seem to be growing each and every day (my next post will be an update on him).  I would love to be able to share that responsibility with Prince Charming, too (or at least have a break from it every now and then).  But right now, I am on my own.  And that's the way it has to be.  Prince Charming is doing what he needs to do for our family.  And my job is to keep on keepin' on! 

Many people I talk with tell me that it's as if I am a single mother.  My reply is always the same.  Yes, it does feel like that most of the time.  However--and this is a pretty big HOWEVER--at least I am not paying the bills myself, too.  I do not have to hold down two jobs and take care of the kids at the same time.  I am very fortunate in that way.  And being home with the children right now while I have my own medical issues is certainly not easy, by any stretch of the imagination.  But at least my children are not depending on me to bring home the bacon, as well as wipe their bottoms!

Despite the dreariness of all else that has happened, I will say that there has been one incredible "positive" that has occurred since my last post.  I have been very fortunate to have a mother's helper come into our home to help me out several days per week since the end of January.  I will call her Sunshine because she has been as fabulous as the first sunny day after our long and dreadfully cold winter!  She helps take care of the kiddles:  getting them dressed, bathing them, giving drinks or snacks, playing with them, reading to them, helping Little Miss with her homework, and helping me cook or serve meals.  Sunshine also helps me around the house doing whatever chores I need her to do on the days that she is here.  I have really come to rely on her immensely!  So much so, that the days that I don't have her...well, let's just say that it's that  much  harder  to handle everything all by myself now that I know what it is like to have an extra pair of hands around! 

Keep on Keepin' on,

Marathon Momma

The Top Ten Best Things About Having Twin Toddlers

Typically when I am out and about running errands with the kids, tons of people are drawn-in by the sight of my twins.  There pretty much isn't  an outing that goes by without hearing the usual, "You've got your hands full!" or "Oh, you've got double-trouble ," or "I don't know how  you do it."  Sure, there are plenty of other things people say and ask, but if I had a nickel  for every time someone said one of these "twin catch-phrases" to me, I would be able to buy a brand-spanking-new...book!  Hey, what can I say???  It's inflation!  Anyhow, over the past two and a half years, I have also had many different people ask me what it is like to raise twins.  So, for all of those inquiring-minds-that-want-to-know, here it is in a nutshell!

Having twins is a crazy, all-consuming, over-the-top experience.  But it is also absolutely  wonderful!  Here are my top ten favorite things about having my twins...so far:


1.  They have two totally different personalities that I get to experience.  Miracle Man is sweet  and very laid-back (unless he needs  something...and then, oh  boy !  Watch.Out.World!)  Chub-Chub is FUN and s.i.l.l.y., and a real rough-and-tumble kinda guy.  But he is also so loving and he needs  me.

2.  I personally love  to be silly and laugh, and with twin toddlers on my hands, it means double the silliness AND double the laughter!

3.  There is twice as much love to give and receive!  I just love when they come over to me just  to give me a hug, a kiss, or to snuggle.  I am very lucky to be able to have twice  as many hugs as most people!

4.  I have been accused of being a "clothes horse" in the past, so...naturally , going out in public with my children is much  more fun when they are wearing a-dor-able outfits...and having twins  means that I get to dress up two little critters!  And, yes, Sometimes I do dress them alike...I think it's cute!  And besides , while they're still young, I can! :)

5.  Most of the people who are in our lives have become more involved in our family.  I love that!  And I totally  credit the twins with bringing our family and friends closer to Prince Charming and I.


6.  I love when they play together.  It isn't very often, but when they are running around, giggling, and being silly together or tackling each other, I think it is  just  so  great !

7.  They have recently started to notice each other's absence and miss one another.  For instance, when Miracle Man is at his school every day, Chub-Chub cannot  WAIT to go pick him up to bring him home!  And the whole  time that we are walking from the car into the school, Chub-Chub repeats Miracle Man's name over and over, and over...and  over ...until........at last!......they see each other and Chub-Chub gives Miracle Man a giant hug! Can you say Adorable?? 

 

8.  It warms my heart to see the boys looking out for each other.  Right now, it is mostly Chub-Chub who comforts or helps Miracle Man, but in time, I am sure  I will get to see the reverse more often!  Still, it is very  sweet  to see Chub-Chub loving-up his twinnie all the time.

9.  Bathtime.  It is far  more entertaining to bathe two little guys at the same time, rather than just one!  Oh, the shrieking !  Oh, the giggles!  Oh, the splashes! 
 

 
10. Sometimes they like to feed each other.  It is downright hilarious !  They take turns putting something in the other one's mouth and s.q.u.e.a.l.i.n.g. with delight !  Luckily for me, right now they are still aiming for each other's mouths...even if it doesn't quite  make it in there!

So there you have it...a glimpse into the life of a twin momma...in all it's splendor!  And yes, you can be sure  there will be a sequel to this post!  

Do any other twin mommas have anything else they would like to add?  Tell me what you like best about having your own twins in the comments section below!

Yours in twindom,
MM

Uh-oh, Spaghettios!

The first seizure my son had was the    scariest      thing   I.had.ever.seen..in.my.life.   It even topped seeing him after his heart surgery, lying on the hospital bed, asleep and all helpless and limp, with wires coming out of him everywhere.

I had just fed the children...with  spaghettios ...because it was just-one-of-those-nights when I felt that was all I could handle preparing after the long and stressful day I had had.  Naturally, my intuitive little creatures decided to *help* me handle that stress even better...they dumped their bowls all over their heads and proceeded to "paint" their faces with those little-round-things-in-RED-sauce!  Great.  Just  great .  Now I had to figure out how to get them from their chairs, up the stairs, and in the tub--with minimal damage to my own clothing, the carpeting, the walls, you know, pretty much Everything that isn't inside of a giant bubble.  So, I stripped the little devils right by their chairs, and I managed to get them all  the  way  up the stairs and into the bathroom without so much as a drip on the beige-carpeted stairs.

I set them both down by the tub and began removing Chub-Chub's diaper (did you think I was crazy enough to take that off downstairs, too??? Not on your life!).  Miracle Man was standing behind Chub-Chub, but they were both right next to the side of the tub.

Now, one thing you should know about Miracle Man is that he Loves, and I mean LOVES taking a bath!  We're talking squealing-with-delight-and-jumping-up-and-down-while-holding-onto-the-side-of-the-tub infatuation!  And that, my friends, is exactly what my little, wobbly, unsteady 18-month-old Miracle Man was doing when he launched  himself straight into the tub...head first!

Luckily, I had only just  started filling it with water, so there wasn't very much in there.  And, thank  goodness  I follow all the safety rules and he was within arms reach from me!  Because I scooped that little guy up faster-than-you-could-remove-a-hot-potato-from-the-oven--tinfoil on, without  a  glove !

Unfortunately, what had happened when he fell in (all superfast  and ToPsY tUrVy), was that he bonked his head on the bottom of the tub...hard.

After I scooped him up, I laid him down on the floor and he kinda looked all FuNny to me.  That's when I noticed that    he.wasn't.breathing.    And then, he wasn't responding to me, either. At.All.

As the PANIC! OMG!-I-THINK-HE-IS-DEAD!!! ensued, I at  least  had the where-with-all to call 911.

Thank  God  I had my phone   right.there.with.me   (which I never used to usually do because I didn't want to be distracted while the babies were in the tub).  It was just one of those lucky instances where I did something by accident  that turned out to be totally FABULOUS!

The 911 operator was great.  He asked me all about Miracle Man and what was happening, and as we were talking, Miracle Man started to come out of it.  His face was no longer scrunched up.  His pupils were no longer dilated.  And he was breathing!  I am not sure how long it was all taking place, but it seemed to me like it was Forever.  The man keeping me calm on the other side of the phone proceeded to talk me through everything I needed to do to help the paramedics when they arrived.  When I hung up with him, I relayed the instructions to my then six-year-old Little Miss,  "Honey, go downstairs, turn on the outside lights, and open the door.  Find Boomer (our dog) and put him away.  Go  now .  Hurry!"

Little Miss rose to the challenge..and completely exceeded  my expectations.  She hurried along and did everything I had told her to do.  She didn't panic.  She didn't stall or ask questions.  She even figured out that she should lock Boomer away upstairs in the boys' room, without me even giving her that specific direction.  She was nothing short of AMAZING!  My heart is still  swelling with pride, as I sit here and write about her actions.  Later on, when everything was all over with, I made sure I told her how proud of her I was, and that she was my hero .  

Literally the moment after Little Miss locked the dog away, the EMT was walking up my stairs and stepping into the bathroom...it was that fast !  We spoke briefly and he took over, sending me downstairs to wait with another EMT who asked me a bunch of questions, as the sirens and the various vehicles that made them continued to come up the street.  I looked out my front door and saw through the pouring  rain  what seemed like a bazillion-and-one emergency vehicles all up and down the street, parked on the lawn, in the driveway...wherever they could fit.  You would think it would be comforting, but it was actually terrifying . 

I turned back toward the noise upstairs and what I saw, I will never forget.  How tiny  And helpless  my little baby looked in this man's large hands.  He cradled Miracle Man's head and floppy-seeming body down the stairs and out to the awaiting ambulance...while I stood by, paralyzed by fear, Chub-Chub clinging to me, diapered, but otherwise naked.

 The next thing I remember happening was another paramedic asking me for the car seat  from the car and I couldn't even respond coherently to him.  He ended up taking my keys and going out to the car to remove the seat for me (since I was clearly not capable of producing said car seat for him, in my panic-induced stupor).  In the meantime, Chub-Chub (with his still-spaghetti-stained-head) and Little Miss (all-wide-eyed-and-shaking) were glued to me, frightened by the cacophony of sirens, mesmerized  by the lights, intimidated by the sudden rush of strangers in our home.

The EMT who had remained inside the house while all of the others bustled around on our front lawn and in our driveway, asked me if I had gotten a hold of anyone to stay with Chub-Chub and Little Miss.  Gosh !  I hadn't.Even.Thought.Of.That.  I was just so  scared and focused on what was happening with my Miracle Man in the moment.  Immediately, I tried calling Prince Charming, but he wasn't answering (apparently they don't have cell phones on white horses!?  Who knew?).  Then I began calling everyone I could think of that was nearby enough, who might be able to come over.  But I couldn't get a hold of anyone!  I did all anyone in this situation could  do.  I left several voice mail messages all over the place.  I was at a complete  loss and desperate to find out what was happening with Miracle Man out there in the ambulance!

The woman still in my house offered to stay inside with my other two children so that I could go check on Miracle Man, but Chub-Chub would have no part of that!  And I couldn't take him out in the pouring rain without clothes on.  I had to get him dressed...and while I was working on that, my neighbor came over, asking what she could do to help.  What an amazing  woman!  We barely knew each other, and yet, here she was, standing at my door, in the pouring rain, offering assistance.  She sure came at the right time, too!  I handed over Chub-Chub, who willingly went, and I remember so clearly asking her to "Please, just clean the spaghettios off his head for me."  That thought still makes me giggle!  And she and I have both laughed about it together since.

Anyway, so Chub-Chub and Little Miss headed over to the neighbor's house, while I grabbed my purse and ran out the door to see my little guy in the ambulance. I climbed in and we headed toward the hospital.  During the ride, I was finally able to get a hold of Prince Charming and my mother-in-law, and they were both springing to action;  Prince Charming heading to the hospital, and my mother-in-law to retrieve my other two kiddles from the neighbor's.  Phew!  At least that was some  kind of relief!

As we rode along, Miracle Man was still very subdued, and not at all like his normal, cheerful, happy-go-lucky-self.  But, as is often the case (at least in my world), by the time we reached the hospital, he seemed completely fine...and was even smiling and giggling with the EMT's, and (dare I say) flirting  with the nurses!

The ER doctor checked him all over and determined...(since he wasn't there to actually see  what had happened and could only rely on an anxious mother's inexperienced description of the events that had occurred)...that Miracle Man must've bumped his head hard enough to have knocked himself out cold--with his eyes still open.  Hmmmm...weird, I thought.  But, okay...He's the expert!

In any case, we were sent on our merry way, and headed home to our anxious family members (by now, my sister-in-law had also come over to the house to help with the kids and await the news).  Once we arrived home, we were greeted by everyone, including an understandably anxious Little Miss, who recounted her experience of the events with wide eyes and fervor. 

So, about a week passed and everything seemed to be going alright...Miracle Man didn't really seem any worse for the wear, thank goodness!  Until............One day I was out walking around my neighborhood with the boys in the stroller.  After a brisk, but brief stride, both boys decided to take turns wearing their Mr. Cranky Pants hats.  They wanted Out of that stroller...in a bad way!  Can you blame them?!

I took them out, one at a time...letting Chub-Chub walk alongside the stroller, but carrying Miracle Man, who was not yet able to walk.  But then they were both irritable, and I had a hard time getting either  one back in the stroller as they squirmed and fought against me with all their strength.  Sometimes, us parents just have to pick our battles, and so I decided to let Chub-Chub walk, while I carried Miracle Man, and pushed the stroller at the same time.  Yeah...that didn't last long.  Miracle Man soon became too heavy for me and it was too awkward trying to push the stroller, too.  And , I was  almost back home, so, like a fool, I set Miracle Man in the stroller, without strapping him in just yet.  I have no  idea why I did that!  I am such  a paranoid freak about these things usually.  I normally won't even let them sit in the stroller without buckling them in, much  less  walk around like that!  I truly, truly  do not understand, for the life of me what I was thinking!  Well, sure enough, my Miracle Man slipped out and fell onto the pavement!  Hello!!!  This, people, is eggs-act-ly why children should always be buckled into a stroller!  I still feel so  much  guilt for making such an incredibly stupid mistake.

Now, naturally, when he fell onto the pavement, he bumped his head again.  And I picked him up, to.hug.him.and.comfort.him.and.tell.him.that.I.was.sorry...for being so  incredibly careless.  And that's when I noticed that his face had, once again, begun to scrunch up...and his eyes were rolling back into his head...and his body was stiff...and he wasn't breathing...again...and OMG!  He's doing it AGAIN!  And this time it is completely All.My.Fault!

It wasn't until the third such instance of these episodes that I really started to realize what was happening, and  began to be able  to focus on him and pay attention to the details of what was occurring, so that I could better explain to the doctor what had happened.  This time, I was at home with the children and some family members, having a pizza night.  Miracle Man had been cruising along the wall in the hallway when he fell over, bumping his head on the slate floor.  My brother-in-law had been right next to him, so he picked him up, called for me, and handed him over.  And yet again, Miracle Man was having all of the same symptoms!

But this time, this  time , I was more keenly aware of each thing that was happening to him.  His eyes were rolling back into his head, his face was all scrunched up, his body was stiff as a board, his feet and toes were pointed forward, and he  wasn't  breathing .  I brought him into the kitchen and yelled to everyone,  "He ' s  not  okay !  He's not okay!  He's doing it again!"  I laid him on the floor and tried to get him to "come back to me".  His eyes stopped rolling, but his pupils were dilated.  His face seemed yellow at first, then ashen.  He wasn't aware of anything that was going on around him.  We were just  about to call 911 again, when he finally "came to".   I just hugged him and held him...and then...I put a helmet  on that poor little guy!  Because I was so freaked out--that's why!  Afterward, we all sat around discussing what had happened and how we all thought  it looked like a seizure. 

Miracle Man was already scheduled to see the neurologist at the end of the month, but with this third episode happening in as many weeks, it warranted a call to the office and a sooner appointment.  We were so very fortunate to get in the following week.  The outcome of that appointment was an appointment for a sleep-deprived EEG...and a confirmation that Miracle Man was, indeed, having seizures...the first one being the dreaded, "Night of the Spaghettios!"

Now, I know that I mentioned this in a previous post, but I will reiterate it here...the EEG came back "normal".  When he gave me the results, I explained to the neurologist that I had figured  it would come out normal, because he didn't hit his head before or  during the EEG (since I believe that the seizures are being caused by the head bumps).  The neurologist was quick to quip, "True, but I don't think the people over there would look too fondly upon me if I asked them to bonk Miracle Man on the head first."  So true!  LOL  Ahhhh...humor!  It's what get's us through this cRaZy life, isn't it!?!

Fortunately, Miracle Man has not had any more of these types of seizures (called tonic clonic seizures) since the one in the hallway, which was in the early spring!  Yipppeeee!! (Please take a moment to knock on any wood you may be sitting near right now...Thank you!)  He does, however, have staring spells every so often, which could  be  another type of seizure--but the jury is still out on that one.  Either way, Miracle Man continues to be monitored on a regular basis by everyone who spends any amount of time with him, as well as the neurologist.

And that, my friends, is all I have to say about that.  (For the time being, at least!)

Ta-Ta For Now,

MM