It's been quite some time since I last wrote a post. Life has been hectic and overwhelming. And, quite frankly, there have been some ups, but many more downs lately. Since I do not want to be using this blog to constantly whine about all of that, I have had a hard time finding something really great to write about. But today, I want to focus on what is real. So here is really what is on my mind. For real.
My own health has taken a turn for the worse, which can be very depressing at times. I have always been a very energetic, generally positive, Type A-er. But these past few months have challenged both my physical and my inner strength. Whereas during the course of last summer I was trying to walk, run, or ride my bike at least a few times per week, my body refuses to let me do so much as walk around the block right now. The aches, pains, and fatigue are getting worse and I have difficulty with many of the basic daily tasks that I used to take for granted, like daily showers. As a result of my illness, I am currently on an extended sick leave from my career. So...yes, I do in fact feel like a caged animal!
Because each day is often a struggle, I usually have to pick and choose what I am going to apply my energy and strength to. Some days, I focus on simple tasks like just feeding, bathing, dressing, and corralling the little animals, I mean children. Other days I am able to do some housework or take the little monkeys outside to play. Once in a while, I may even have a good day and throw in a trip to a museum or the park. But those occasions are rare. Plus, they typically wipe me out too much for the rest of the day (and usually into the next, if not longer).
To make matters extra-challenging, cuz, why the heck not?, for as long as I can remember, Prince Charming (my handsome hubby) has been working around the clock. He has a regular full-time job as an instructor at the local community college, as well as his own business. He loves teaching the students at the college, sharing his knowledge with them, and he is very good at it. But his passion is in his business. He works very hard to provide for our family. And he works very hard at making his business into a successful one. He puts in extremely long hours--basically working around the clock. We hardly ever see him, except for one day each weekend. Most days, he leaves when the school bus pulls away, and returns after everyone, including me, is asleep. The children miss him terribly throughout the week, which breaks my heart. Many days, part of our morning routine includes Chub-Chub standing at the door, tears staining his rosy cheeks as he cries out, "Daddy no go work."
As for me, I miss having a husband, a companion, someone to share my life and the children with. I miss evenings together watching our favorite shows. Or simple adult conversation. It can get quite lonely, especially late at night once the kiddles are sound asleep, blankies tucked around their tiny bodies. I also wish that Prince Charming were here more to share in the immense responsibility of raising the children, guiding them to be socially adept, well-mannered, principled, productive citizens. It would be great to have someone to help encourage and shape their young minds and souls so that it wasn't just on me. And then, there is also the incredible amount of work and stress of our sweet Miracle Man, whose needs seem to be growing each and every day (my next post will be an update on him). I would love to be able to share that responsibility with Prince Charming, too (or at least have a break from it every now and then). But right now, I am on my own. And that's the way it has to be. Prince Charming is doing what he needs to do for our family. And my job is to keep on keepin' on!
Many people I talk with tell me that it's as if I am a single mother. My reply is always the same. Yes, it does feel like that most of the time. However--and this is a pretty big HOWEVER--at least I am not paying the bills myself, too. I do not have to hold down two jobs and take care of the kids at the same time. I am very fortunate in that way. And being home with the children right now while I have my own medical issues is certainly not easy, by any stretch of the imagination. But at least my children are not depending on me to bring home the bacon, as well as wipe their bottoms!
Despite the dreariness of all else that has happened, I will say that there has been one incredible "positive" that has occurred since my last post. I have been very fortunate to have a mother's helper come into our home to help me out several days per week since the end of January. I will call her Sunshine because she has been as fabulous as the first sunny day after our long and dreadfully cold winter! She helps take care of the kiddles: getting them dressed, bathing them, giving drinks or snacks, playing with them, reading to them, helping Little Miss with her homework, and helping me cook or serve meals. Sunshine also helps me around the house doing whatever chores I need her to do on the days that she is here. I have really come to rely on her immensely! So much so, that the days that I don't have her...well, let's just say that it's that much harder to handle everything all by myself now that I know what it is like to have an extra pair of hands around!
Keep on Keepin' on,
Marathon Momma
No comments:
Post a Comment